With a Subtitle: Release the burden of changing others and find peace in God’s sovereign power.

A brief Excerpt: Struggling to reach a loved one with the Gospel? Discover why the power to change a heart belongs to God alone and how to find peace in faithful witness without the weight of the outcome.

The Author is: Zach O'Leary

The Limitation of Human Influence

No one has the ability to change another human being. You can’t reach into someone’s heart or mind and turn their thinking or affection toward something it doesn’t will. You can try to influence them, but ultimately, they must be willing for any meaningful change to occur. That’s a choice only they can make — you cannot force it. And it applies to most areas of life, especially when it comes to the Gospel.

The Longing for Loved Ones to See the Truth

The longing, knowing you can’t change anyone, can be discouraging. What about the people you love who have broken lives? Who have made poor choices leading to spiraling misery? What about those who just can’t seem to catch a break? What about those whose lives look fine on the outside but are actually pretty shallow — and all of them reject the Gospel?

I certainly don’t want to manipulate anyone or force them into believing something they don’t want to believe. Yet I can’t help but want them to see the richness of the Gospel and understand who Jesus really is — fully God, fully man, descended to Earth, died in their place to satisfy the payment for their sin, and rose again victorious over death.

The Reality of Gospel Rejection

Wouldn’t that help us walk through the troubles of this life and prepare for the next? To have, dare I say, real hope for something better — on Earth and in Heaven?

Still, many reject the offer. Whether it’s hurt in the church, the problem of evil, general unbelief in God, rejection of Jesus as God, or belief in another system entirely — secular humanism, new ageism, Islam, and so on. There are people out there, some quite intelligent, who won’t be convinced.

I was once like that, too. Raised in the faith, but hitting college, I spent the next four or five years somewhere between light belief and total agnosticism. I’d been turned off by the modern evangelical church culture at large and equally turned off by the relative morality around me — which generally meant people did whatever they wanted at the expense of others, and who are you to judge. So how could I really know what was true and good? Intellectually, spiritually, morally?

For my part, I wasn’t ultimately convinced by arguments, even after delving into all kinds of material against the Christian faith, and for it. Some counterpoints I found genuinely strong. Others were far weaker — and better answered by faith. But I still rode the fence, with one leg swinging over either side. No one had the power to change me, either. What changed me was the same thing that changes everyone: the Gospel itself, finally breaking through — not just speaking to my head, but to the depths of my heart.

What Actually Changes a Human Heart?

What happened to me is the same thing that happens to everyone whose eyes are opened to believe in Jesus. Paul writes in Romans:

“For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentile. For in the gospel the righteousness of God is revealed — a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: ‘The righteous will live by faith.’” (Romans 1:16–17)

The Biblical Power of the Gospel

The Gospel is the power of God to save. Not your arguments, your persuasiveness, or your persistence — the Gospel itself is what changes a person.

Following Paul’s Example of Reasoned Faith

But shouldn’t I make good arguments? Be well read? Lovingly defend and put forth the Gospel? Yes, of course. Paul himself reasoned in the synagogues, arguing from the Scriptures that Jesus was the Messiah:

“As was his custom, Paul went into the synagogue, and on three Sabbath days he reasoned with them from the Scriptures, explaining and proving that the Messiah had to suffer and rise from the dead.” (Acts 17:2–3)

On Mars Hill (Acts 17:16–34), he used the Greek writers of the day to engage his audience before ultimately arguing for Jesus — meeting people where they were, on their own terms. But Paul also knew better than anyone that proclaiming the Gospel and changing a person are two very different things. The first is ours to do; the second belongs entirely to God.

“So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. The one who plants and the one who waters have one purpose, and they will each be rewarded according to their own labor.” (1 Corinthians 3:7–8, NIV)

Paul is speaking to the Corinthian church here — which, ironically, had broken into factions around its teachers. He reminds them that neither Paul nor Apollos caused the growth of the Gospel or the body of Christ. God did. They were simply workers, looking to the reward for being faithful to Him.

To put it plainly: God softens the heart so a person is willing to hear the Gospel and say, “I want to follow Jesus. Your will be done, not my own.” It’s God who truly changes a person. We’re simply called to be faithful, tell the Gospel, and contend for it.

Overcoming Discouragement and Grief

Despite salvation not resting on my shoulders, I still carry a weight.

There are people in my life — people who matter greatly to me — from whom I’ve sat across and had real, honest conversations with, where the Gospel didn’t land, or at least didn’t seem to. Some have walked away from the faith entirely. Those conversations don’t leave you quickly. There’s grief in them, and if you’re not careful, a kind of helpless frustration that feels like wasted effort or failure.

Trusting God With the Results

And then there are others — people I’ve had the privilege of walking alongside — where something is clearly different. They want to grow. They ask good questions. They come back. Not because I said anything particularly brilliant, but because the Lord is evidently at work in their hearts. The contrast is striking and a little humbling.

It’s a reminder that the outcome was never mine to control in either case. So, what do you do with discouragement that comes from an apparent lack of growth, or watching someone reject the Gospel — maybe someone you love?

Give that to God and trust Him. Play the long game. He can save anyone. A willing heart that confesses Jesus, He will not turn away (Psalm 51:17, John 6:37).

And take real comfort in this: it’s not all up to you. It never was. Be faithful to the One who called you, and leave the rest in hands far more capable than yours.