With a Subtitle: Why some bonds feel spiritual but function more like captivity.
A brief Excerpt: Some relationships feel spiritually deep, yet they may be rooted in attachment, trauma, or idolatry rather than God. This reflection explores soul ties through Scripture, Augustine, and Christian wisdom.
“I was bound, not with another’s irons, but with my own iron will.”
— Augustine, Confessions
What Are Soul Ties and Where Did the Idea Come From?
The language of soul ties didn’t arise from a single voice; it’s the product of layered spiritual thought, particularly within Christian communities seeking to describe relationships that feel spiritually fused. Although the term never appears in Scripture, verses such as 1 Samuel 18:1, where David and Jonathan’s souls are “knit together,” and Genesis 2:24, which describes a husband and wife becoming “one flesh,” are often used to validate the concept. Yet not every bond that feels spiritual is sacred, and not every emotional pull is from God.
When a Soul Tie May Really Be Unresolved Attachment
Psychologically, what many label a soul tie may actually be unresolved attachment. John Bowlby’s work on attachment theory revealed how early relational injuries shape adult bonds (Bowlby, 1969). Curt Thompson builds on this, noting that our desire for connection is often tangled with shame and the unspoken wounds we carry (Thompson, 2015). What feels like destiny may instead be a reenactment of emotional dependency.
Biblical Boundaries, Idolatry, and False Intimacy
Biblically, covenants matter, and boundaries matter as well. Diane Langberg warns that trauma can create illusions of intimacy that masquerade as love, forming bonds rooted not in freedom but in fear (Langberg, 2015). Scripture never calls us to cling to someone at the cost of our souls. In fact, “You shall have no other gods before Me” (Exodus 20:3, NKJV) includes the idols we make out of people.
Augustine’s Confession of Longing Turned Bondage
This dynamic, where longing becomes bondage, is not new. One of the earliest and most honest confessions of it comes from Augustine of Hippo. Before surrendering to Christ, he was entangled in a long-term sexual and emotional relationship. In Confessions, he admits, “I was in love with love itself,” reflecting not spiritual depth but a soul addicted to being needed. His bond with the woman was not covenant; it was captivity.
Restless Hearts Find Healing Only in God
Eventually, Augustine walked away not out of contempt for her, but because he recognized that he had given her the place of God in his heart. His healing came through confession, not deliverance. “Our hearts are restless until they rest in You,” he wrote (Augustine, 397/1991).
When Human Connection Becomes an Idol
As Tim Keller notes, “An idol is anything so central to your life that, should you lose it, your life would feel hardly worth living” (Keller, 2009). In this way, what is often called a soul tie may become a spiritual stronghold, an emotional altar built to human connection rather than divine communion.
God Restores the Soul Through Release and Surrender
Healing comes through release and surrender, not through returning to what once held you. God restores the soul without chaining it to anyone else. You were never meant to be stuck. You were never designed to be someone else’s god.
Sources
Augustine. (1991). Confessions (H. Chadwick, Trans.). Oxford University Press. (Original work published ca. 397).
Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and loss: Vol. 1. Attachment. New York: Basic Books.
Keller, T. (2009). Counterfeit gods: The empty promises of money, sex, and power, and the only hope that matters. New York: Dutton.
Langberg, D. (2015). Suffering and the heart of God: How trauma destroys and Christ restores. New Growth Press.
Thompson, C. (2015). The soul of shame: Retelling the stories we believe about ourselves. IVP Books.
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This article appeared on Substack and is reprinted with modifications and by permission.