Perhaps 75% of the church believes sanctification is becoming “nicer.”

With a Subtitle: Why "nice" can deceive us, and what real growth in Christ truly requires.

A brief Excerpt: Most churched people think sanctification means becoming nicer. But "nice" can mask a lost soul. True growth begins with loving God, obeying His Word, and grasping the concept of His grace.

The Author is: Jeff Hilles

Quote Source – Rich Holt

Sanctification Is More Than Becoming a Nicer Person

Rich Holt put it bluntly: “Perhaps seventy-five percent of most churched people believe sanctification is becoming ‘nicer’. Sit with that. If he’s right, most people in the pews next to us think the whole point of following Jesus is to soften the edges. Be more pleasant. Smile more. Stop snapping at the kids.

And here’s the thing — they’re not wrong.

Where “Nice” Belongs

Kindness is part of how God grows us. When Paul lists the fruit the Holy Spirit produces, kindness and gentleness sit right there (Galatians 5:22-23). A growing tenderness toward people is a real outward sign of an inward change God is working in a believer. So the instinct isn’t false. It’s just thin. Too thin to carry the weight of what Scripture means by sanctification.

The Verse Everyone Cuts in Half

This is where Luke 10:27 gets misread. People love the back half: “and your neighbor as yourself,” the “nice” part that fits on a coffee mug. But look at what comes first: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind.”

First God. Then, neighbor. The order isn’t an accident.

And loving God isn’t a warm feeling we drum up. Jesus defined it plainly: “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” So the verse people quote to justify being agreeable opens with a call to obey. Strip out love for God, and loving your neighbor shrinks into just being inoffensive, flexible, accepting of false beliefs, AND showing kindness and compassion.

The Double-Edged Sword of Being “Nice”

Here’s where it gets dangerous. “Nice” is a double-edged sword. The same kindness that flows from real change can become one of Satan’s quietest tools. He doesn’t always come at us with obvious sin. Sometimes he whispers something more comfortable: you’re a good person, you’re kind, surely you’re fine with God, did God really say … (Genesis 3:1).

That lie has lulled countless carnal churchgoers to sleep. They mistake good manners for genuine conversion, and perhaps never stop to ask whether they’ve trusted Christ at all. Niceness saves no one. “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” Not a result of works. Being agreeable is a work, and a fine one, but it can’t purchase what only the cross provides.

Salvation comes another way: “because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved,” (Romans 10:9). That’s the line in the sand. Not simply how pleasant you are, but whether you’ve trusted Christ as Lord and believed in His resurrection. Sanctification follows salvation. It never replaces it.

What Sanctification Actually Includes

Paul doesn’t leave us guessing. “For this is the will of God, your sanctification.” It’s His project, start to finish; the One “who began a good work in you will bring it to completion.” Our part is to cooperate, not coast. What does that look like? A few things “nice” never reaches.

Obedience comes first. Real love for God shows up in doing what He says, even when it costs us.

Then a hunger for His Word. Jesus prayed, “Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth.” Nobody drifts into holiness. You’re shaped by Scripture, which means opening it and letting it correct you.

And a heart that shares the gospel with grace. Peter tells us to always be ready to give a reason for our hope, “yet do it with gentleness and respect.” Boldness and kindness, together. That’s maturity.

The Renewed Mind

Romans 12:2 ties it together: “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind.” Transformed, not merely polished. The Christian life isn’t self-improvement with a Jesus sticker on the front.

We have to ask ourselves whether we are willing to settle for being pleasant on Sunday and unchanged by Tuesday. Being nice is the easier part. Loving God enough to obey Him when nobody’s watching or when persecution comes is harder, yet better.

The warning from this quote: don’t trade the deep work of God for good manners, and never mistake good manners for salvation. Love Him first. The rest grows out of that.