When Expectations Become Premeditated Resentments

Scripture

Our verse for today comes from Acts 8:11, “And they were giving him attention because he had for a long time astonished them with his magic arts.”

Background

I recently ran across this saying, “Expectations are premeditated resentments,” which the author, a psychology professor at Penn State University, thought originated with the well-known 12-step programs. Dr. Johnson found much wisdom in the expression given two important psychological facts. One, merely expecting something to happen will not make it happen. He notes that this type of thinking is prevalent in children, as noted by the renowned developmental psychologist Jean Piaget. But unlike Piaget, Johnson does not believe that kids outgrow this magical thinking around the age of seven. He believes that many normal adults engage in this type of thinking, and it plays into the idea of premeditated resentment. Johnson’s second psychological fact was that humans have a tendency to pin their hopes for happiness on fulfilled expectations. Now, these two points come together regarding premeditated resentment in how we have expectations of others to behave a certain way that will please us, but we have never expressed our thoughts, and we have not taken the necessary steps to help ensure the expectations are fulfilled. In short, we use magical thinking when we believe that expecting someone to behave a certain way might actually make them behave that way. And when the other person doesn’t live up to our expectations, we can have a strong reaction and feel resentful.

Application

Expecting things to always go the way you expect them is full of disappointment because that’s not how life goes, and when the disappointment involves other people, resentment is not far behind. When someone you know believes in Jesus, and they behave towards you in a way contrary to your expectations, it can ruffle your feathers considerably. Your magical thinking has left you disappointed, and the letdown is real. Each of us is inclined in our human nature to act on our own best interests, and that can unrealistically skew our expectations of others. The cause and the fallout from all of this is sin, as we offend the Just One who knows exactly what to expect from us, and died to pay for it all. So, watch your expectations, and more importantly, the effects they can have on you. Find joy and gratitude, even when things don’t go the way you want them, or the way they always have.

Charge

As we seek Him today, expect Jesus to love and equip you for all that does and doesn’t happen to you.

Editor Comment: In a season of anxiety and shifting plans, this devotional reminds us that unspoken expectations breed resentment, but surrendering them to Jesus restores joy.