Finding Joy as Our Strength Through Grief and Loss

Editor’s note – The author writes from a season stacked with grief – the deaths of a brother and a daughter, alongside a husband’s stroke – and asks what every long-suffering believer eventually asks: what happened to my joy? She traces the answer to one verse, that the joy of the Lord is our strength, and to what it costs us when we quietly trade that joy for worry.

The Joy of a Child

I work with five- and six-year-olds daily. This means that the bulk of my day is filled with play and laughter. Even reprimands and discipline do not silence the laughter or extinguish the joy. Children cry one minute and laugh the next. Scraped knees are magically forgotten after a bandage, a hug, and a comforting word.

Adults are generally not the same. We hold on to our hurts. We bear grudges. We cry and frown more than we laugh. I have yet to meet an adult who laughs as freely and easily as a little child. Yet, God says that unless we become like little children, we will not see Heaven.

Editor’s note – This contrast isn’t sentimental. Children release pain quickly because they haven’t learned to store it; adults do the opposite.

Searching for What Joy Really Is

What causes us to lose our joy? I’ve been pondering this. Lately, I’ve been wondering what joy is, as I am battling to grasp it. How do I cultivate joy?

The Bible tells us that the joy of the Lord is our strength. Maybe this is why I have been feeling fearful, weak, and overwhelmed. Not only do I lack joy in my life; I don’t even know what it is.

Are joy and happiness the same? I doubt it. Joy is not dependent on circumstances, whereas happiness is. Joy is resilient and sustains us even in the midst of sorrow. It truly is our strength. It’s like a rod of steel in our inner being, always within reach when we choose to focus on it. Yet, it’s very easy to allow ourselves to be robbed of this strength.

Joy That Sorrow Cannot Silence

Recently, I have experienced profound sorrow due to the deaths of my brother and our daughter while dealing with the daily challenges of my husband’s stroke. Yet, in the midst of sorrow, I remained aware of a bubbling stream of joy that could not be suppressed. I found joy in knowing that death didn’t have the final word. Jesus spoke the final word when He said “It is finished.” He dealt death a deathblow. I rejoiced in knowing that I belong to Him and that I will be with Him throughout eternity. I rejoiced in knowing that my sin had been dealt with and that my sin, as far as God was concerned, did not exist. God sees me through the covering of Jesus’ blood.

Editor’s note – Three losses in close succession while caring for a husband in recovery is no small trial. That joy still surfaced, rather than replacing the grief, is the point worth holding onto.

When Joy Slips Away

But I had lost my joy. I became fearful. I worried. I buckled beneath the slightest problems. I told myself I couldn’t handle it anymore. I’ve been strong for too long. Considering my circumstances, it sounds reasonable, doesn’t it?

Do you recognize the deceitful whispers of the enemy? Jesus doesn’t expect me to be strong without Him. He doesn’t expect me to bear these burdens all by myself. In fact, He says that His strength is fulfilled in our weakness. We have a standing, and open invitation to come to Him when we are weary and overburdened.

I started believing that God didn’t care about me personally, because I couldn’t carry the burdens Jesus never intended for me to carry. I listened to the enemy of my soul. As was the case with Peter, I turned my eyes to the wind and the waves and looked away from Jesus, the Author and Finisher of my faith (Hebrews 12:2). I forgot that Jesus warned that we would have trouble in this world, but He never intended that we should carry these burdens on our own. Even in Exodus we read that God promised to fight our battles for us.

Like Lot’s wife, I looked back at things I shouldn’t. I looked at how hard my life had been, and I forgot to look at the times God came through for me. I forgot that God tells us in Isaiah to forget about the past.

Signs of Life

It’s spring in the southern hemisphere. I took my kindergarten students on a spring walk to look for signs of spring. The children saw the grass turning green, new buds and leaves on the trees, flowers, bees, and butterflies. I can’t recall that we ever spent time looking for signs of winter. We didn’t investigate dead and dried leaves. No, we focused on signs of new life. Why then do I search for wintry things in my spiritual life and ignore the signs of life? Yet, this is exactly what I did.

I had to travel to the pharmacy to pick up my husband’s medication. I glanced at the fuel gauge. A gentle reminder from God that I was still driving on the fuel He had urged us to buy before the trouble in the Strait of Hormuz escalated brought me to my senses. Did I need any clearer sign that He cared for me and about me personally? My joy was restored in an instant.

Editor’s note – A fuel gauge is a small thing to build an argument on, and that’s exactly the point.

Fixing Our Eyes on Him

I look at this period in my life and I wonder when I will learn to keep my eyes fixed on God and not fall for the insidious whispers of the enemy. When light breaks through the darkness, it’s easy to wonder how I could have lost my way, but the battle is real while I’m caught in the lies and deceit and when I choose to look where God never intended me to look.

If you find yourself in a dark and desperate place now, may I encourage you to look at the times God intervened in your life and circumstances in the past and understand that He hasn’t changed. He will do the same now and in the future.

A Word from the Editor
Nehemiah spoke those words to a grieving, frightened people: “the joy of the LORD is your strength” (Nehemiah 8:10). It was never a suggestion to feel better; it was a fact about where strength actually comes from. This account is a reminder that joy outlasts grief because it never rested on circumstances to begin with. If sorrow has the loudest voice in your life right now, look back at where God has already proven Himself faithful. He hasn’t changed.

Editor Comment: Joy stands on Christ's finished work rather than on our circumstances. We can experience fleeting happiness from material things, but deep and lasting joy can only come from a relationship with the Creator of the universe.

This article appeared on Medium and is reprinted with modifications and by permission.