Assuming the Best: Trusting God Instead of Overthinking

Editor’s note – We’ve all built entire stories out of someone’s silence, and most of those stories turn out wrong. This author writes about the discipline of assuming the best instead of the worst, and why a hallway conversation does more good than an afternoon of imagined scenarios. Her point that feelings are not facts echoes something Scripture has taught for centuries: love keeps no record of wrongs and is not easily provoked. We’re running this piece because overthinking is common, and its cure is as old as the Gospel.

The Trigger of Silence

Perhaps you’ve mustered up the courage to say those three powerful words, “I love you,” to your significant other, and they didn’t respond. Ouch. That can be incredibly painful.

We don’t always repeat the words [I Love You] back — even though we may feel them deeply and choose to express them in other ways instead. It may seem strange, but it actually feels more natural and organic than simply parroting the words back out of cultural or social expectation in a long-term, loving relationship. Personally, I prefer a spontaneous, out-of-the-blue “I love you,” shared simply because we feel like saying or texting it in a moment when a fond memory resurfaces or the excitement of embarking on a new adventure brings a smile to our faces. Let’s not limit our words of affirmation to bedtime rituals or quick goodbyes before heading off to work.

Assign the best possible motives. Give other people the benefit of the doubt. Don’t overthink it — like I’m doing right now. Yesterday at work, as a mandated reporter, I was trapped on hold with Child Protective Services (CPS) waiting to file a report. While on hold, I messaged my colleagues to let them know I might not be able to leave my office for a while.

Crickets.

Nothing.

Nada.

No reply at all.

This brings me back to my initial point. I began theorizing all the possible reasons for the complete lack of response from my fellow counselors:

Rationalizing the Unspoken

• They’re both extremely busy right now.
• They don’t have their phones with them, modeling best practices in a school setting.
• Perhaps they are unable to think of an appropriate response.
• Training has reinforced that text messages could be subpoenaed or referenced down the road.
• Not every text requires a response.
• They glanced at the message while in the middle of a task and forgot to reply later.

You can probably think of even more reasons. Ideally, I would use my communication skills and ask one or both of them for clarification instead of overthinking it.

Sometimes that is enough — assigning the best possible motives to someone who may have said, done, or in this case, not done anything to trigger my anxiety. It keeps me from falling down an insecurity gopher hole that exists almost entirely in my imagination.

Editor’s note – Notice how much energy went into six imagined explanations before she asked one direct question. Proverbs commends the one who seeks understanding over the one who multiplies words.

Breaking the Assumption Cycle

Choosing to step out of that loop starts with a conscious decision to let go of the stories we invent when we feel vulnerable. It means acknowledging the spike of insecurity, breathing through it, and choosing not to feed it with endless assumptions. Most of the time, the narratives we build in silence are far more damaging than whatever reality actually holds.

At the risk of appearing insecure, I decided as part of my personal growth to step outside my comfort zone and directly ask my colleagues for clarification on why neither of my messages received a response. The answer I received aligned with my initial rationalization: they were both occupied with their own duties at the time. While they internally noted, “Thank you for letting us know in case anyone asks where you are,” they didn’t feel a response was necessary. A thumbs-up emoji reaction might have been interpreted as “Cool” or “I like that,” and let’s face it — no one likes it when CPS has to get involved.

Editor’s note – This is worth underlining: feelings are not facts. Scripture calls believers to test what stirs the heart against truth, and to speak plainly instead of guessing at what others meant.

Choosing Direct Connection

Instead of letting those unspoken doubts linger, there is real power in simply walking down the hall for a quick, face-to-face check-in. A warm smile, a direct question, or a brief conversation can dissolve hours of overthinking in seconds, reminding us that genuine connection thrives on clear, open dialogue rather than quiet speculation.

In the end, stepping out of our insecurities and back into reality — where feelings are not facts — allows us to enjoy the peace that comes from accepting what we cannot control and mindfully choosing how we respond. When we replace silent speculation with active presence, we don’t just save ourselves from the exhaustion of overthinking — we build a bridge back to a grounded reality. By committing to direct, open conversations and giving others the grace we so often need ourselves, we trade the fragile stories of our insecurities for the quiet, enduring strength of genuine connection.

Reflection & Journal Prompts

• Reflect on Silence: Recall a recent situation where someone’s lack of response or silence made you anxious or overthink. What “story” did your imagination construct, and how does it change when you consciously assign the best possible motive to their behavior?
• Identify Your Triggers: When you feel vulnerable or insecure, what are your personal “warning signs” that you are starting to feed endless assumptions? How can you pause and breathe through that spike of insecurity instead of letting it spiral?
• Choose Active Presence: Think of a lingering doubt or unspoken tension you currently have with a colleague, friend, or loved one. What is one small, face-to-face check-in or direct question you could initiate this week to replace speculation with genuine connection?
• Create Your Own Experiment: Identify one “story” you are currently telling yourself about a relationship or interaction. What is one specific, non-judgmental question you can ask that person this week to test whether that story is based on fact or assumption?

A Word from the Editor
Paul told the Corinthians that love believes the best rather than keeping score. The habit this author describes – walking down the hall instead of stewing in silence – is a small act of that kind of love. If we want to trust rather than suspect, we’ll have to trade our private theories for real conversations, and trust God with the answer.

Editor Comment: Choosing to assume the best of others is the practical shape of the love Paul describes in 1 Corinthians 13, and you show how much peace that choice actually buys.

This article appeared on Medium and is reprinted with modifications and by permission.