Our daughter sees the need for a formal and intentional transition for her daughter, age 10, to begin the process of “leaving childish things behind” and becoming a woman.

1 Corinthians 13:11 – When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.

She asked a small group of Christian women to write a letter to her daughter offering advice on how to make that transition and what it looks like from our perspective. Below is that letter sent from my wife to our granddaughter.

Offered as a companion to this article, our son-in-law requested a similar letter for his son, age 9, from a small group of Christian men (details here).

To LilliMae,

Where has the time gone?? Seems just yesterday you were a little Baby, wrapped up like a burrito with bright twinkly eyes peeking out into the world! Suddenly, you were a Toddler with strong opinions of your own – and Oh! How I loved your developing sense of style!!  Outfits came together with no need for matching colors, textures, purpose, or season! A bicycle helmet might serve as your hat to wear grocery shopping, along with a sparkly tutu and pointy-toed elf shoes with “here-I-come” jingle bells announcing your presence! A purple princess dress might set off a pair of cowgirl boots, all topped by a large knitted hat with a giant dangly pom-pom bobbing back and forth as you explored a winter’s beach! On to Germany where you are often in shin guards and soccer cleats, or rocking an authentic dirndl dress at German festivals! (You know my FAVORITE was watching the cows come down from the mountains!!         (????????CLANG!!!!CLANG!!!????????)

And now, you are on the threshold of womanhood!! As crazy as it sounds, there are many people in the world today who can’t even define what a woman is!! However, we don’t need to look any further than Scripture to find out. And since our very Creator wrote the Book, we can be sure He has the answer!

The Book of Genesis tells us how God created the heavens and the earth. How fascinating that He had the power to merely SPEAK it all into existence! ????️”LET THERE BE LIGHT!!”

God spoke it and then there was LIGHT! God created ALL the wonders of the heavens above and the earth below with its various amazing creatures! Sooooo many wonderful creatures!! What fun Adam must have had as God showed him each one, the males and the females, and let Adam name them one-by-one! But when Adam got to the last animal, there had been none that looked like him. That’s because God made man in HIS image, and so was special from the rest of the animals. But, for the first time, God saw that something wasn’t “good” in His beautiful creation. God saw that Adam should not be alone but needed a “helper” to walk along side him. God had formed all the creatures, and also Adam, from the dust of the ground. But He created Eve especially for Adam, from one of Adam’s ribs!  This very special relationship hints at the unique closeness that a man and woman have within a marriage. And this is how God designed us! 

When I was growing up, my family went to church every Sunday but I never really understood the sacrifice that God made by sending His cherished Son down with a plan for Him to give His life in exchange for our (my!) deserved punishment for sin! I learned the Bible stories and could quote some scripture, but I didn’t really understand the significance of what Jesus had done on the cross! Maybe my heart was just hard back then, or I just wasn’t paying attention in Sunday School and church. Papi was growing up somewhere else, also going to church but never truly hearing the Gospel message! We are sooooo very grateful that God put us together as husband and wife, and then called us to Him when we were much older. I had always believed in some sort of “God” but believed the lie that everybody’s beliefs can be true and that we all actually believe in the same God. That is SOOO NOT TRUE! And if you think about it, there are so many different religions and they can’t possibly all be true! There is only ONE True God and He created the heavens and the earth and everything within! At some point, both Papi and I came to believe that Jesus came to die on the cross for our sins, and that He IS the Son of God! But we only had this belief in our HEADS. And the Bible talks about how even the demons believe this (and shudder) … but this is not enough to be saved. We must believe in our hearts that Jesus died for our sins, and we must repent of our sins and ask forgiveness, and ask Christ to not only be our Savior, but our Lord, as well. He saves us from the penalty of our sins, but then also becomes our Lord who directs and guides our lives. When Christ became our Savior and Lord, we became a child of the King and His forever. We had a new view of how the world should be!

Don’t let anyone tell you that girls and boys are born just alike! We see clear differences right away! You can give a little boy a spoon, a flower, and a peanut butter sandwich and he will immediately begin to use each one as a pistol! But a little girl is more likely to use the spoon to scoop up an ailing bumblebee, gently place it on the flower, and offer bits of her sandwich to nurture it back to health! We are fearfully and wonderfully made in a special way for God’s special purpose! It doesn’t mean that boys won’t grow to be tenderhearted towards their wives and children, or can’t enjoy cooking or caring for a baby in the night … and likewise a woman may be good at hunting moose or enjoy hiking through the mountains or whittling sticks! God’s Great Wonderful World is His gift to us to take care of and to enjoy! But our primary purposes are most often felt from within our hearts, as women … a desire to nurture and to build relationships. 

Your parents have done a beautiful job pouring Scripture into your heart. As a Christian, we must “hide the Word in our heart” (Psalm 119:11) so we know what is right when faced with temptation. The world will tell you there is no Right or Wrong, and that it depends on the circumstances, that you should do what FEELS right, or that as long as your decision doesn’t hurt anybody else, you are free to do what you want. This is a lie! If a person doesn’t have a source of Truth, this advice makes sense. But we DO have Truth, in the name of Jesus Christ! HE is the written Word of Truth which we have as the Bible. We need to read it and study it to learn what God expects of us and to tell us what is right and what is wrong. When you are unsure, pray to God to make your thoughts and actions pleasing to Him. Search the Word (your Bible) for answers. Be careful. Sometimes when we have to dig through scripture to find certain answers, we are actually seeking permission to do something we already know is wrong! While we’re on the subject of good/bad decision-making, also beware of “pack mentality.” The idea is that a dog running with a pack, or group, of other dogs will do things it wouldn’t do on its own. We would expect sweet Chief, if he were off-leash, moseying around the neighborhood, to come across a neighbor’s free-range chickens and stop for a friendly sniff or two, and then trot along happily, never looking back. But if he had joined up with a group of other dogs, even our gentle Chief might turn into an unrecognizable attack dog who joins the others in destroying all the chickens! 

I Cor 15:33 warns us:  “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’”

Choose your friends wisely. Consider whether a relationship draws you nearer or away from God. If you find yourself drifting from your Bible reading or prayer time because you are busy thinking about or hanging out with someone, this is a “red flag” of danger, especially if you know the Holy Spirit is convicting you of your neglect of spiritual disciplines. Does this friend want you to participate in activities or behaviors that are not pleasing to God? Oddly, this can sometimes happen even more easily with friends you know to be Jesus-followers and have most of your same values. It’s kind of like that pack mentality; because you each are assured of each other’s commitment to Christ, somehow you can allow yourselves to believe that whatever you’re doing can’t be too wrong!                  

Always remember: We are ALL sinners, saved by grace. We will continue to sin in our flesh until the day we pass from this world! Proverbs 4:23 tells us to “Guard your heart! For everything you do flows from it.”

An important command we have from the Lord Jesus is to tell others about the Gospel! This means you will need to interact with unbelievers. The Bible reminds us that people can’t know the Good News if nobody tells them about it! You might develop close relationships with girls who do not know Jesus but are nice and fun to be with! Just remember to Whom you belong. When your closest friends are unbelievers, it can be a slippery slope away from the Lord. More dangerous is a possible slow slide away … just a little bit here and a little bit there that is easy to overlook or rationalize as “just this once!”

In our world, the teen years can be very hard to navigate. For girls, there are “cliques” made up of a certain group of girls who make it clear that others are not invited to join them! They usually have the power to decide for everybody what is the “best” hairstyle, the “right” clothes, and where the most popular girls go for fun. They may whisper about other girls and make fun of them … actually bullying some poor girl. But know this to be true.  Most of those girls are afraid of becoming the target of that group and so will behave in a mean way to just go along so they remain safe within the clique! It can be hard to be on the outside of such a popular group! But you don’t need this kind of “friend”. There is a saying, “The best way to get a friend is to be a friend.” You could be the friend some other girl needs! That’s kind of like being a modern day Good Samaritan, showing kindness and compassion for someone else yearning to belong and feeling the hurt of being left out. At the same time, you will be a witness to the “mean girls” as to how to act in a God-pleasing way, and, even if they don’t show it, they will likely be wondering how you can be so brave and kind to somebody they have declared as “unworthy” of their group! Perhaps it will open the door at some point to calmly explain that you are, indeed, worthy to the One who is Most Worthy of all, Jesus Christ! The bullies know they are wrong and surely wish for a true friendship, which is hard to find in most cliques because everyone is worried about keeping up their own status within the group. True friends encourage one another and hold each other up! They are someone who can share sorrows as well as joys. A friend should be someone you respect and who respects you, based on similar values which should come from a Biblical Christian worldview.

If these things are true, you can also hold each other accountable … like asking them how their prayer life is going, and they might ask if you are reading your Bible regularly. You can share prayer requests and be a comfort to each other when disappointments come along, as well as encouragement. Proverbs 27:9 tells us “the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.” A true Christian friend is a gift worth more than silver or gold! These special friendships take time to develop and to nurture … take the time!

Mother Teresa was a tiny missionary nun who worked tirelessly with the poor in Calcutta, India. She was famous for her Anyway Poem. A portion of it says something like: “People can be unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered. Love them anyway.” There is no greater example of undeserved love than the cross of Jesus!! He lived a perfect life, yet died a terrible death to cover our sins so that we can live forever with Him in Heaven!! It’s easy to love those who think like us and who are kind to us and are fun to be around. But God says we are to love others, regardless of how they are. It’s hard for us to love those who aren’t lovable or who are possibly mean to us. But we have to remember how great a love God poured out on US, even though we are all sinners and will continue to sin until we pass from this world! It’s almost impossible to imagine such a great love God has for us, that He would send His beloved Son, Jesus, to provide forgiveness for our sins … past, present, and future!!

Your Papi and I both did some very knuckle-headed things when we were in high school and early college! We didn’t even know the Lord then, but in His great love and mercy, He protected us from potentially deadly and legal consequences we surely deserved! Many stupid things we did created a lot of remorse and shame, especially when behavior greatly disappointed our parents. They always forgave us, even though we had to work to build their trust again. Your Heavenly Father will always forgive you, too, no matter how badly you think you have messed up! And you will mess up … we all do! Because we are all sinners! Jesus has already paid the awful price for our sins. We try to please God in our daily lives, but at the end of the day, we can always think of things to confess and ask forgiveness for … EVERY DAY! Your desire to become more like Jesus will be frustrating at times. Just as the Apostle Paul lamented, there are times when we do what we ought NOT to do, and times we DON’T do what we SHOULD do! And there will be days when God seems far from you. Some call this a “dry spell,” when you feel God isn’t hearing your prayers, or you don’t even feel like praying. Keep praying anyway, even if it’s only to ask God to help you pray! God knows what you are thinking and feeling, and also the Bible tells us that the Holy Spirit will help us pray when we don’t have the words ourselves! God will always hear your prayers. He may be quiet for a while to encourage you to dig deeper into the Word, or even to give you the desire to pursue Him more. We can’t know the mind of God! But we can, and DO know that He has promised to never leave us or forsake us. GOD IS ALWAYS WITH YOU, LILLIMAE! Don’t ever doubt that! If at times you feel like you are all alone in the world, or nobody understands what you are going through, know that your Heavenly Father holds you in the palm of His hand and loves you more than you could ever imagine. You are the daughter of the KING OF KINGS!

There are soooo many things that God gives us just for our joy! We call them “Sweet Surprises” sometimes, and I’ve heard others use this term, too! God’s workmanship is all around us, to appreciate and to realize that they are gifts from our Heavenly Father! 

Helen Steiner Rice wrote this poem that reminds me of all the wonders of the world that are ours to see as we walk around His beautiful Creation! 

God’s Hand

I picture walking with you and soaking in His wonders as we stroll around the countryside together! ????. I love that you are my granddaughter, but even more that you are my SISTER IN CHRIST!! What a joy it is to watch you become the woman God has created you to be!! ❤️

I Love You SOOOOOO!!!!❤️

MiMi????