Subtitle: Faith vs Reality

Excerpt: False expectations, especially in relationships and with God, lead to disappointment. Aligning expectations with God’s will and listening to His Word is crucial.

Author: Rina Schultz

I’ve lost count of how many times I felt gutted because of false expectations. I invest so much hope and energy in my expectations and I loathe letting go of my hopes or dreams. I am tenacious, and I persevere, often to my own detriment. One would have thought that I’d have learned my lesson by now and know when to cut my losses and let go.

One of my frequent mistakes is to believe that others have the same outlook, principles, and work ethic as I have. I frequently expect people to treat me as I treat them. I often think that effort should lead to reward. I’ve been disappointed more times than I care to admit.

My biggest problem is that I look at life through my own lens, and I turn a deaf ear to what people say. I do the same with God. I rely on my expectations, and this causes me to take God’s Word out of context to fit my narrative. God, unfortunately, can’t be manipulated. He doesn’t change because of my expectations. As much as it hurts, I often have to concede defeat and retrace my steps to listen to what God said, and not what I thought He said.

Jesus spoke about this in the parable of the hired workers (Matthew 20:1-16). A landlord hired workers to work in his field, agreeing on their wages. He went out various times of the day and each time hired more workers, agreeing to the same wages. At last, he hired workers who worked for only one hour. When he paid the wages, he started with the group he hired last. He paid them the same wage as he did the group that worked all day. This upset these workers. They expected to receive more as they toiled for longer and worked harder. The landlord reminded them that they agreed to their wages, and they shouldn’t be angry because of his generosity. It was his money and he could do with it as he pleased. 

Did these workers, who toiled all day, have cause to feel angry? If I view it through my personal lens, I would say yes. They worked longer and did more than the others. It only seems fair that they should be paid more. But life doesn’t work this way. Life isn’t fair as I deem it fair. More effort doesn’t necessarily mean more reward. Following Jesus doesn’t mean you will never have problems or face obstacles. Quite the contrary. Life is full of challenges.  

When I attended seminary, the Assistant Dean constantly reminded us that coming to Jesus was learning not to have our own way. I didn’t enjoy hearing that, but I found it to be true.

I should learn not to impose my expectations on God, but rather to listen to what He said. I should learn to discern whether He spoke to me personally, or whether it was a message to a specific person or group at a specific time. Paul said that we are heirs to Abraham’s promise (Romans 4; Galatians 3), but it’s not the promise to have Isaac, or to be the father of many nations. No. What Paul meant was that we are justified through faith just as Abraham was. That’s our inheritance. Faith. But I frequently lay claim to promises that God never spoke to me. They are in the Bible, but they weren’t addressed to me. Yet, I like the sound of them, and therefore I claim them as my own. The result? Feeling gutted and disappointed.

Do I press in and put more effort into believing that God will meet my expectations, or do I give up and let go? How do you manage your expectations? I’d love to know.