Subtitle: I Want To Get Off For A While

Excerpt: The author, Rina Schultz, is grappling with profound grief after losing her brother and daughter in quick succession. Despite the promise of a “year of grace,” she finds herself overwhelmed by sorrow and questions when the goodness will begin.

Author: Rina Schultz

This year started in a shocking and heartbreaking fashion. Firstly, I received the news that my brother, my only sibling, passed away. Today, less than two weeks later, we heard that our daughter died in a car accident. I feel as if I’m trapped in an out-of-control roller coaster. I want it to stop. I want to get off. This year, so far, has left me reeling. I have been hit by a category 5 twister, and I don’t know when and how I’m going to get back on the ground. Enough already.

This year, according to some, is supposed to be the year of Yahweh. 2026 is supposed to be the year of double grace. It’s supposed to be an abundant year of grace and God’s goodness. Personally, I’m drowning in sorrow and grief. I feel as if I’m staggering from one devastating heartache to the next. When will the “good” start? Is this what double grace feels like?

James tells us to count it all joy when we face troubles of all kinds. I’m really trying very hard. I want to count my blessings. I’m grateful for the years I had with them. I’m grateful for having known them and having cherished memories of them. I’m grateful, but it doesn’t stop the pain, and it doesn’t fill the void.

I’m grateful for the Lord’s invitation to come to Him when we feel weary and overburdened. I’m running into His arms right now. I don’t know how, but I trust that He will know how to heal my heart and still the pain. He is my Comforter and my Healer.

I don’t know what else to do. I live with the pain and the loss. Somehow, I manage to get out of bed, breathe, and do what I have to do. I have no joy. I feel listless. I feel deflated.

I find solace in knowing that God knows my pain. He is near. Underneath are His everlasting arms. He carries me now, and I know He’ll carry me for as long as it takes.

Someone, anyone, please tell me that you are having a wonderful year. I would love to know that at least for some, this truly is a year of grace and the abundant goodness of God. The year is still young, and what started in sorrow may end in joy, but for now I need to know that someone is blessed and enjoying a good year.