Every time I’m single, I gain clarity on the Christian values I want to guide me when choosing a partner. But fast forward a few months after meeting someone, and I find myself compromising — either because the guy seems great in other ways or because I convince myself I can change him. But I’m done with that! No more compromising.

After going through this cycle a few times, I’m ready to try something different. I’m committing to standing firm on my Christian values, no matter how lonely I feel or how amazing the guy seems. I’m determined not to waver. Here are three things you can try with me!

1. Apply God’s Word

First, put Jesus at the center of your dating journey. Make His Word the foundation. As followers of Christ, we’re called to deny our own desires and obey His will. Matthew 6:24 says, “If anyone wants to come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me.” This means dedicating your dating life to Him.

To do this, we need to pray, read, and apply God’s Word in everything we do. This renews our minds and helps us recognize His good, pleasing, and perfect will (Romans 12:2). God’s Word will guide us on the type of person to date, how to conduct ourselves, practices to avoid and the boundaries to set.

2. Write the Vision

I used to be against writing down exactly what I want in a partner. I avoided it because I didn’t want to feel disappointed in the event that I didn’t find what was on the list. I thought it would be easier to accept if I hadn’t clearly defined my desires. But now I realize that’s a short-sighted approach.

Writing the vision helps you stay focused on what you truly want. When emotions run high, it’s easier to snap out of any illusions about the person you’re seeing if you have a clear vision to refer back to.

3. Guard Your Heart

Our heart is where our emotions come from, and it’s the most vital part of us. Just as the physical heart is protected by the ribcage, our spiritual heart needs protection. It’s what shapes our thoughts and actions. No wonder Solomon said, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (Proverbs 4:23).

When I meet someone new, I plan to focus my energy on truly getting to know them and vetting them against the vision I wrote. I hope to keep the euphoric feelings of love and lust at bay, so that I can properly assess whether the person is genuinely right for me. 

Final Thoughts

Ultimately, nothing good comes from sin or compromise. They’ve never served me well. Let’s all stay true to God’s Word, His morals, and His values, and trust that in due season, we shall reap if we faint not (Galatians 6:9).

If you’d like to read more of my writings, check out my book Grieving while Christian here: Grieving while Christian.