Editor’s note – We tend to reserve theological reflection for the weighty doctrines and skip past the small commands tucked into Paul’s closing greetings. This piece does the opposite: it takes Paul’s instruction to greet one another with a holy kiss and asks what it actually costs us to obey it. The author’s grocery store encounter is an uncomfortable mirror – most of us have been on both sides of that moment. We’re running it because how we greet each other says more about our hearts than we’d like to admit.
Greet one another with a holy kiss. All the churches of Christ send greetings. [Romans 16:16]
That’s Weird.
I remember one of the first times I came across this verse. I was a middle school girl sitting in a church pew, eyes wandering around the pages of my Bible while the pastor taught. Might not have been the first time I’d read it, but it was definitely the first time it jumped out at me.
My pre-teen self thought, Ew, that’s gross, followed quickly by, Oops, can I say it’s weird or is that bad?
Those were my baby-Christian years, so an observation like that felt off-limits at the time.
Anyway, back to the point. As the sermon went on, I gathered that this phrase just meant to give a warm welcome to fellow believers when we see them. It wasn’t until recently, a couple decades later, that I found myself truly reflecting on what it meant, and whether I genuinely practiced this.
Editor’s note – Most of us have a verse like this – one we read too young to understand and filed away as strange. It’s worth noticing that Scripture rarely explains itself on our timeline; the reflection this passage prompted took decades to surface, and that’s often exactly how the Holy Spirit works.
The Grocery Store Incident
Recently, I ran into someone I hadn’t seen in a while as I was out running errands. We’ll call them Busy.
Rather than going straight to grabbing what I came in for, I walked excitedly past the shopping carts over to where they were standing, and patiently waited as they finished up a conversation with the store employee assisting them.
When they finished, I tapped Busy on the shoulder to say hello and they turned around, said, “Oh hey!” with a half-smile, and briskly walked off, leaving me standing there at the front of the store feeling the same sort of embarrassment one experiences as a teenager sitting alone in a busy cafeteria.
The type of embarrassment that comes from being rejected by someone publicly and others witnessed it, so we know people know, you know?
At this point, you may be wondering why a seemingly cordial encounter would leave me feeling so defeated.
Well, because it didn’t used to be like that.
This wasn’t someone I had only met a few times, or was simply acquainted with. Busy was a person I’d spent years serving closely at church with, discussing Jesus and ministry and life.
But then I got married and moved churches, so we no longer work closely together. I’ve been back to visit a few times, and have brushed off similar greetings, thinking they were just on a mission and couldn’t talk. But this time was different.
Now, all the years of mentorship and camaraderie and warm welcomes suddenly felt … cheap.
It sounds extreme, but watching someone you used to be close to walk away like a stranger will make you feel like a metaphorical rug was just yanked out from under you, and that’s exactly how I was left feeling, standing alone in the grocery store.
All because they skipped out on a tiny gesture in an encounter they’ll probably never think about again.
Editor’s note – It stings to admit, but most of us have been Busy at some point, distracted by our own errands and blind to the person right in front of us. The gap between how we intend to treat people and how we actually treat them is exactly the kind of thing Scripture calls us to examine.
The Holy Kiss
At least 4 times that I know of, Paul instructs believers to greet each other with a “holy kiss,” but what exactly is that?
Let’s use the Romans 16:16 example from earlier:
Greet one another with a holy kiss. [Romans 16:16]
In this verse, the word kiss is philéma in Greek. [1] It stems from the word phileó, meaning brotherly love. [2]
Phileó refers to a type of fondness that grows out of tender affection or personal attachment to someone. It’s the sentiment close friends feel toward each other — not romantic, but devoted.
David and Jonathan, King Saul’s son, expressed this type of friendship toward each other in 2 Samuel, even calling themselves brothers because of their closeness.
This type of brotherly love was often shown by means of “a physical kiss offered as a visible token of affection, honor, or reconciliation. Rooted in philéō, the term speaks of warmth and personal devotion expressed through touch.” [3]
But there’s a little more to it. We’re talking about a holy kiss.
To be holy, or hagios in the Greek, is to be sacred, set apart. Holy things are pure, blameless, and consecrated. Holy things look different than the world’s version of them. [4]
Simply put, our greetings toward each other should be holy. And if our greetings as brothers and sisters in Christ should be holy, then they should look different than how the world greets each other.
Christians share in the unique experience of being saved by Jesus. We’ve been brought out of the darkness of this lost world and given a new life, whereas we were lost in hopelessness before.
We’re given a new name, a new mission, and new trials. We’re given a new family to endure hardships with, and friends to do life with and encourage in the faith.
That doesn’t mean every single Christian will see eye to eye on everything or that we’ll all be best friends like David and Jonathan. On the contrary, sometimes we’re like Paul and Barnabas, parting ways over a disagreement about who to work with (Acts 15).
But it does mean people should see there’s something different about us when we greet one another.
Editor’s note – The distinction between phileo and eros matters here. Paul isn’t asking for romantic affection between believers; he’s asking for a family bond strong enough to survive busyness, distance, and disagreement – the kind Jonathan showed David when it cost him his own claim to the throne.
Genuine Love is Not Too Busy
To contrast the grocery store experience, I think of the sweet lady who I’d consider to be one of my “Paul” figures — someone the Lord has used quite a bit in my spiritual growth over the years.
We’ll call her Joy.
Joy is the kind of person who makes anyone feel immediately loved. It doesn’t matter if she’s running late, going through a hardship, or feeling blue. You’d never know it, because she is going to stop and greet her brothers and sisters in Christ warmly. Even if you had just seen her the day before, she’ll greet you as if it’s been 10 long years. You always leave conversations with her feeling lifted up, encouraged, and seen.
This is what I envision when I think of greeting each other with a holy kiss. Not that we should stop and bear hug everyone or have a lengthy conversation every time we meet up, but that we’d make it our mission to leave others feeling like they’re chosen and loved, rather than a bother or an inconvenience.
That’s the difference between Busy and Joy. Busy made me feel like I’m an obstacle to navigate in their busy day; Joy makes me feel like I’m part of her day.
Anyone who knows Joy knows she genuinely loves people. Joy has made her fair share of mistakes, just like the rest of us, but no one can deny the depth of her love for the Lord, evidenced by her love for His people.
I was convicted by the grocery store incident, because I realized that too often I’m so caught up in my own world that I don’t stop and take the time to truly see people the way Jesus saw people. But I’m thankful for the example that Joy and many others have set for us as they chase after Jesus.
Joy passed away last summer, and I miss her terribly. What I wouldn’t do to hear another, “Oh, hello sweetheart!” or sink into one of her warm hugs.
However, I do know that Joy would tell us this, were she still earth-side:
Be like Jesus. Greet one another with a holy kiss.
Sources
Strong’s G5370
Strong’s 5368
Topical Lexicon
Strong’s G40
A Word from the Editor
Jesus said the world would know we are His disciples by our love for one another. That love isn’t proven in the big moments; it’s proven in whether we stop for someone at the grocery store. Joy’s example outlasted her – may it shape how we greet each other too.
Salvation – Eternal Life in Less Than 150 Words
Distributed by – BCWorldview.org
Editor Comment: You show that Paul's 'holy kiss' is really about holiness, and that our love for each other should look different because grace, not manners, sets us apart. Closing with Joy instead of a tidy conclusion lets her life preach the point, and readers will carry that image with them long after they finish reading.
This article appeared on Medium and is reprinted with modifications and by permission.