Grace After Divorce: Finding Purpose in Life’s Mess

Editor’s note – We’re running this piece because it names something many believers live with quietly: sharing a home or a past with someone who does not share their faith. A widely watched debate between Bill Maher and Charlie Kirk becomes the doorway into the author’s story of a mixed-faith marriage and the slow work of grace that turns old regret into purpose.

On one hand, I am deeply relieved that the political tension surrounding the polarizing presence of Charlie Kirk has simmered down, thankfully. On the other hand, I just watched an interview conducted by Bill Maher (famous for his talk show “Politically Incorrect” and his mockumentary “Religulous”) with Kirk (known for engaging college students in intellectual debates about Biblical truths). It featured two highly intelligent and articulate men engaging in an exceptionally respectful debate over the existence of God.

It was done well.

Navigating Ideological Differences with Grace

The exchange reminded me of my previous marriage. In that apologetics scenario, I was like Charlie Kirk – the believer (except I was the one with a drink in hand), while my husband at the time took the role of Bill Maher, soberly shaking his head in disbelief at what he perceived to be a bunch of far-fetched, nonsensical fairy tales and mythology. He still does. The difference now, however, is that I no longer sleep with him, so it is much easier for me to smile, nod, and continue to respectfully agree to disagree on the existence of God and my eternal salvation through my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Editor’s note – Respect and disagreement are not opposites. Scripture calls believers to speak truth in love, not to win every argument.

Finding Covenant Purpose in the Mess

I know God hates divorce. Malachi 2:16 tells me that. I also know Jesus loves me with all of my mess for His message. A beautiful baby lullaby reminds me of that fact: “Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so ….”

But do you know why God hates divorce? It is because He is a covenant keeper and we, as believers collectively, are His beloved bride. He desires to protect us from ourselves, if only we would obey His wise commands. I’ve lost count of the number of “by the grace of God” moments I have experienced so far in this lifetime; I can’t tell you how many times others’ rejection has turned out to be God’s protection.

Sometimes my overthinking brain gets caught up in vicious guilt and shame spirals, where I spend too much time filled with regrets or wondering what could’ve been if I had only obeyed all along. Yet, I am reminded of the promise in Scripture:

Resting in Grace

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ - by grace you have been saved - and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God. [Ephesians 2:4-8]

Now I fully understand I had to experience all that pain to fully embrace my purpose.

Editor’s note – Ephesians 2 does the heavy lifting here: grace that saves us “even when we were dead in our trespasses” never waits for us to get sorted out first.

A Song of Transformation

My story, Your glory
My pain, Your purpose
My mess, Your message
In all things, I know You’re workin’
One life, one mission
One reason why I’m livin’
All for You, not for me
My story, Your glory

“My Story Your Glory” – song by Matthew West and Micah Tyler, 2023.

Walking Forward in Purpose

This journey has taught me that my past, with all its complexities and heartaches, is not wasted chapters. It is instead a beautifully broken life redeemed. As I continue to walk forward, I am finding peace in the knowledge that every stumble and every season of silence has brought me closer to understanding that I am exactly where I need to be. By surrendering my story, my pain, and my mess to His greater plan, I can finally peacefully rest in the wonder of a life lived not for my own validation, but for His glory.

Editor’s note – Peace here doesn’t come from the divorce being resolved; it comes from placing the whole story, mess included, in God’s hands.

Reflective Journal Prompts

1. In what ways has your own “mess” or past struggle become a “message” or source of strength in your life?

2. Can you identify a moment in your life where a difficult rejection or closed door actually served as protection or redirection?

3. How do you maintain grace and respect in relationships when you and the other person hold fundamentally different worldviews or beliefs?

4. How can you shift your focus from seeking your own validation to living a life that reflects your purpose and values?

A Word from the Editor
Malachi 2:16 says God hates divorce, and this piece never softens that. It shows what happens when a believer stops treating past pain as a verdict and instead treats it as raw material for His glory, which Romans 8:28 promised.

Editor Comment: Ephesians 2 is the hinge of your whole reflection, and you show plainly that grace saved you before you had anything sorted out or deserved. I personally believe that God drags us to the cross rather than us going willingly… but I could be wrong.

This article appeared on Medium and is reprinted with modifications and by permission.