Subtitle: Untangling the confusion between divorce, abuse, and the heart of a loving Father.

Excerpt: Article explores God’s stance on abusive marriages, emphasizing His support for the oppressed and His disapproval of divorce’s distortion of marriage.

Author: Ogo Cathern

There’s an unspoken question many Christian women carry silently:
If God hates divorce … does that mean He expects me to stay in abuse?

That question has kept more daughters of God bound than we can count.
I’ve wrestled with it myself.
I’ve lived under its torment.
For years, it followed me into every thought, every prayer, and even into the new marriage God Himself gave me.

Imagine that — God restored me, rescued me, blessed me …
Yet the voice of condemnation whispered that I was still living in sin.

That’s the power of a stronghold:
It keeps you bound long after God has set you free.

I didn’t come to Jesus through religion.
I came as a woman who was bleeding out (figuratively), abused, penniless, confused, desperate.
No theology, no church language — just a broken cry:

“HELP!!!
If You want me to keep suffering, send me back.
But if not… make a way.”

And He did.
Miraculously.
He delivered me far away from the one who hurt me and planted me in safety.
Only a Father does that.

You see, most of us learned about God through people — not through God.
And many of those people were speaking from fear, tradition, or ignorance.
Some had no revelation of God’s heart.
Some simply repeated what they were taught.

So we inherited a distorted picture of God’s character.

Here’s the truth:
God is not sadistic.
He does not delight in your suffering.
He is not vengeful in the way we imagine.
He is not waiting for you to “bear your punishment” to prove your loyalty.

At His core, God is Father.
A good One.
One who desires good for you.
Scripture says, “Beloved, I wish above all things that you prosper and be in health …” (3 John 1:2).

Yes, God tests our faith so it produces endurance (James 1:2–4).
But His tests do not strip you of identity or crush your soul.
That is Satan’s work, not God’s MO.

So why does God hate divorce?

Because it is a distortion of what marriage represents.
It is devastating, and its pain is far-reaching.
It’s like a hurricane that levels everything in its path.

I personally believe that a godless Christian marriage is doing the most damage to Christianity around the world. It is literally an open invitation to the enemy to plunder our children and wreak havoc in our communities.

God intended for Christian marriage to be the school where Christ is first modeled.
It is the platform where our children learn love, unity, selflessness, and sacrifice — if done right. But we have professing Christians who are not willing to submit themselves to the Lord. Parading God as their Lord in words only, but not in actions. Misrepresenting the God they claim to serve. Leading the very lives God gave them to nurture away from Him.

This is why I believe God hates divorce.

But hear this clearly:

God hating divorce does not mean God approves of abuse.

In fact, God despises it.
He stands with the oppressed.
Malachi 2 shows God’s fury toward men who mistreat and oppress their wives — He says He does not look upon their offerings with favor and rejects it.
God is never neutral about abuse.

One of the greatest mistakes Christian women make is trusting people more than God.
Even I did.
I trusted church leaders more than the God I was crying out to.
I feared that God would ask me to stay in what was destroying me.

But that fear existed because I didn’t yet know Him.
I only knew the God people described.

Don’t be like I was.
Read the Scriptures for yourself.
Know God for yourself.

Now let’s address the real question:

Does God hate divorce?
Yes.

Does that mean you must remain in a violent marriage?
Absolutely not.
Seek safety, because you are worth more to God alive than dead.

Does abuse automatically mean God wants divorce?
Not necessarily.

This is where we often get it wrong.
We want a formula.
A rule.
A clear, easy answer.

But marriage is spiritual.
Only God can see the entire story.

I have seen abusive marriages that God Himself ended.
I have also seen abusive marriages that God healed because He touched the abuser’s heart and transformed them (You can read how He healed a sister’s marriage in 7 days here).

No one wants to hear this part, but God also loves your abuser.
He desires all men to be saved (1 Timothy 2:4).
Your husband may even be drawn to salvation through your conduct (1 Peter 3:1).

But whether God saves him through you or apart from you is not your responsibility to decide.
Only God can make that call.

I know you want a clear instruction.
A yes or no.
A direction.

But that answer must come from God alone.

Stay in prayer.
Stay in worship.
Do nothing until He speaks — and trust me, you will know when He does.

If He tells you to stand in the gap for your husband’s salvation, then fight with everything in you.
If He tells you to leave, then go without guilt so the enemy cannot bind you with condemnation.
And if God told you to stay but you left anyway — then run back to Him.
There is forgiveness, mercy, and clarity waiting for you, not punishment.

There is no way forward except through God.
Not around Him.
Not through advice columns.
Not through influencers or church politics.

Just Him.

He alone can remove your guilt.
He alone can confirm your direction.
He alone can heal your heart.

Until our paths cross again,
Remain in Him.

Your sister,
Ogo