Subtitle: How should Christians respond as a caregiver for others?

Excerpt: How should Christians respond as a caregiver for others?

Author: Jeff Hilles

The single universal command of God that cuts across all denominations and nearly all faith traditions is “love others”. Some call it the Golden Rule (Wikipedia and GotQuestions). Others say the Bible can be summarized in one phrase, “love your neighbor” or “do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. The actual verses most Christians default to include:

“So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets. – Matthew 7:12

“You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” – Mark 12:31a

Setting aside the importance of loving God AND THEN loving our neighbor, there are many times when we, as Christians, desire to help our friends and family get through tough times in their lives. The death of a loved one. A wayward child. An ugly divorce. And so many more issues that confront us in life. Often we just don’t know what to say. We don’t know how to help. 

We find ourselves avoiding those going through hardships, which makes matters worse (1 John 3:17). 

As the caregiver, it helps to understand the difference between sympathy and empathy. Sympathy is often our default response, which can serve to deepen the wound of our loved one as it can actually accentuate the difference between our life and their grief. Empathy is a harder and more invested response because it forces us to disclose our own frailties as we try to partner with those suffering loss. 

This 2-minute video from Gobblynne studios (website here) puts in stark contrast the differences between Empathy and Sympathy, in the clearest of terms. 

Webster differentiates these basic support approaches as follows:

Empathy – “the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another”

Sympathy – “an affinity, association, or relationship between persons or things wherein whatever affects one similarly affects the other”

Note that with empathy there is a desire to “vicariously experience the feelings, thoughts and experiences of another”, where sympathy is more distant, desiring to have a relationship of affinity, but not to the degree of participating in the experience of others (i.e. “vicariously”). 

Sympathy stands at a distance (albeit a close one), and tries to comfort from a position of strength. There is an acknowledgment of what the other person is experiencing, offering a helping hand with generalized comments such as, “let me know if there is anythign I can do” and, “I’m praying for you”.

Empathy is a step beyond sympathy. It attempts to break down the walls between the caregiver and the one being cared for, identifying with the pain and the grief. Empathy does not try to “fix” the problem or coach the individual out of their sadness. Instead, there is a desire to understand and humbly accept where the person is and use one’s own experiences to connect at their level.

As Christians we are called to:

Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous; – 1 Peter 3:8

Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. – Romans 12:15

Christian empathy is accomplished by coming along side those who find themselves living in a dark place, caring for them by trying to understand and engage with their hurt (often without words), not trying to drag them out into the light before they are ready. And, of course, for those that don’t know Jesus, He is the ultimate solution as He is the light of the world (John 8:12)