A couple of weeks ago I was asked to spend a week with two teens, ages 13 and 15, while there parents were away. I’ve known these two since birth. We see less of each other as they have gotten older. I was happy to spend time with them. They both hold a special place in my heart. It was a whirl wind of activities. The oldest took very good care of herself other than not eating a whole lot. Bedtime for the youngest, passionate about gaming, was a miss. I’d hear him playing in the middle of the night. At some point I sort of said to myself, “If his sleep isn’t important to him, mine is.” I resorted to making a strong attempt to just keeping them fed and alive. Sleep deprivation wasn’t going to kill him. My reasoning was, besides not wanting to get tough in the middle of the night, “This kid is on the honor roll, always. Pretty sure he’ll survive a few sleepless nights.” I was played but there are few people on earth that I love being played by more than this child. Maybe this was a good move. On our last day together, he invited me to participate in a tournament. Pre-tournament he tried to engage me in a game, but I’m all thumbs. Rather laughable. Actually, my role was cheerleader and provider of food. It was like “gamer superbowl.” We really bonded that day. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow. This really isn’t what this story is all about. I can get easily distracted.

The week went by and my first morning home I was up early to prepare for church. I’m never really totally gung ho in the morning but I was none the less glad to have returned to my routine and my “sanctuary”. Coffee made, I began to be just awake enough to feel a sense of “disconnection”. You know, like, “am I all that I should be? Did I do all I could to reach those resistant kids of resistant parents with the truth of the gospel?” The answer being no, at least not in my estimation. So just a slight feeling of, “are we ‘good’ Lord?” I didn’t voice these things to myself or the Lord, but I knew I felt a sense of it. I moved to my Bible. 

I had wanted to look up a verse that had been in the margin of my Bible, I had been assigned to read while doing a study about the attributes of the Holy Spirit. Once I found the scripture I was glad for it. I’ve read these verses and the story surrounding them many times. I might add, I never had a reaction such as this one. 

1 Kings 19:11–13 (NKJV)

God’s revelation to Elijah

vs 11 Then He said, “Go out, and stand on the mountain before the Lord.” And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountain and broke the rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake;

vs 12 and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice.

vs 13 So it was when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood in the entrance of the cave. Suddenly a voice came to him, and said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

Have you ever experienced a hit that was so suddenly painful that you immediately, without thought, wept. Although there was no pain when I read , “What are you doing here, Elijah?” my emotions reacted as if I had been punched. Out of nowhere I absolutely bawled with my face in my hands. 

In that moment, I felt like these words had been personal. I said, “Lord, what am I doing here?” My Good, Good Father said, in that still small voice, “You are reading your Bible. You are hearing the voice of the Lord.”

Just writing this and rereading it still leaves me in awe. 

Oh my Champion. Once again, surprised by grace.