Our son-in-law sees the need for a formal and intentional transition for his son, age 9, to begin the process of “leaving childish things behind” and becoming a man.

1 Corinthians 13:11 – When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.

He asked a small group of Christian men to write a letter to his son offering advice on how to make that transition and what it looks like from our perspective. Below is that letter I sent to our grandson.

Offered as a companion to this article, our daughter requested a similar letter for her daughter, age 10, from a small group of Christian woman (details here).

Jakin, I am intentionally choosing to write this to you, not as the boy you are, but as the man you aspire to become, which means big words and complex thoughts that will need your dad as a teacher/translator at times.

You have the privilege of having two examples of manhood to emulate, your father on earth and your Father in Heaven. Further, you have a loving mother and sister by your side as you grow into manhood. At the outset, you need to be reminded of how rare all that is in today’s culture, and therefore how blessed you are. If you are willing to listen to both fathers (and mother) you will grow into the man they want you to be. More importantly, perhaps, you will look back and see that it is also the man you wanted to be.

As you progress in this journey, expect it not to be a smooth one. There will be days when you revert to being childlike, and days when you feel older than your years. I remember a time with my mom when I was your age, and we were visiting New York City and ate lunch in a rotating restaurant at the top of a huge skyscraper. I made (for what reason I don’t know) an active decision to “act adult.” My behavior shocked my mom and the waitress on how “mature this little boy, all dressed up in his coat and tie” was. I also remember a time as an adult when I went to jail in Rhode Island for reasons you are too young to hear the details about. My only call was to my dad who was so upset at my stupidity that he drove an extra five hours to bail me out of jail because he took the wrong interstate. 

The point is that regardless of how old you are, you have a choice to make mature decisions in your life or childish decisions. You already recognize by age nine, that there will frequently be times when you are tempted to follow your peers (or your own sin nature) over the advice of your dads. Recognize that many of your friends will not have these two positive influences (dads) in their lives. You will be enticed to take the easy way out, to cut corners, to stretch the truth, to ignore what you have been taught from your dad and from your Father’s Word. You will not always experience the negative consequences of those failures, but with Jesus in your heart, He will (must) become a check in your spirit, a reminder of what both your dads have taught you. Remember, nothing escapes the eyes of your eternal Father and the worst place you can be in life is to do wrong and not regret it. That is the sign of a calloused heart, something to avoid at all cost.

So, the basic question your dad asked was, “what does Biblical Manhood look like?” If you type that question on Google there are some valuable answers. What is interesting is that those four or more sources that I trust say pretty much the same thing. 

1. Control your emotions – Consider your friends and the adults you look up to. Are they reactionary or contemplative in times of stress? A sign of maturity is an internal check valve that promotes logical thinking rather than a “shoot, ready, aim” mentality (Prov. 16:32, James 1:19-20).
2. Provide for your family – You will likely be the primary bread-winner for your family. That is a responsibility you must take seriously (1 Tim. 5:8). 
3. Protect your family – Your role is not limited to providing or leading. You will also be responsible for protecting your family. The best protection comes from a relationship with Christ, which begins with a marriage that is equally yoked (2 Cor. 6:14), with you taking the role of spiritual leader (1 Tim. 3:4), and ensuring those under your overwatch have every opportunity to seek the Lord (Prov. 22:6). 
4. Lead your family – A godly man is the leader of his household. Read 1 Cor. 11:3, 1 Peter 3:7, Eph. 5:23, and on and on. There is a godly balance that comes from love and respect (Eph. 5:28). A godly marriage is built on equality between husband and wife as there is equality across all humanity (Gal. 3:28) before God. There are far too many men that do not take on the important role of leadership in the household, and, on the other side of the coin, too many men who don’t take on this role in order to accomplish Eph. 5:25, but instead, to be a bully.
5. Follow God’s design of a man. – see the paragraph directly below…

This single statement summarizes all that your dad and your Father desire for your life on this earth. And, the only way to fully understand what this short phrase means is to study God’s instruction manual for your life… the Bible. I can tell you that there will be many things contained in that Book that you will not understand and other things that you will want to resist and other commands that you will constantly break. However, recognizing that you have a continuing sin nature (Gal. 5:19-21a, 1 Cor. 6:9-10) should be a place of sadness and repentance, not a place of giving up to the sin. One of the greatest men of all time was the Apostle Paul, and one of the verses that I cling to is his recognition that we all fail in our desire to do good (Rom. 7:22-24). When we confess, with the Holy Spirit in our hearts as born-again believers, we are forgiven (1 John 1:9, 2:1). However, that does not give us an excuse to continue to do bad (Rom. 6:1-2).

(I warned you that you will need your translator, your dad, to understand some of all this, which was intentional).

In my view, there are three levels of Biblical instruction for the man who seeks after God. My terms are “essential”, “core” and “non-core” Biblical Christian doctrine. There is an addendum to this letter that lists the first two. As you study what it means to know God, remember that we are mere humans and His ways are above our ways (Isa. 55:9). He is omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent and the supreme Creator of the universe. We can barely understand the atom, and can’t remember what we had for lunch last week. Recognize that because of our limitations and sin nature, we see the physical world, much less the supernatural world, through a very clouded lens (1 Cor. 13:12). What is “essential” is that we see clearly enough on this side of the grave to ultimately sit at the feet of Jesus on the other side, where we will receive answers to all our questions (Heb. 11:1, 11:6).

Essential – is the doctrine of salvation, which means you have accepted Jesus into your heart as both Savior AND Lord. To accept Him as Savior is easy. To accept Him as Lord is hard, and this verse, Matt. 7:13-14, may be one for your dad to talk to you about at a point in the future. As you consider God, and as others challenge His Word as being too confusing in some areas, it is this essential theology that ensures your place in Heaven (and that of your future family which you, as a man, are responsible for under God’s divine providence). From that perspective, two points….

First, many carnal Christians focus only on loving our neighbors and friends, thinking that this is enough for God to accept them as born-again Christians. Each of the three gospels (Matthew 22:37-39, Mark 12:30-31, and Luke 10:27) emphasize the same point that the most important command of God is to love Him first, and then love our neighbors (the world). To ignore the first is to reject the Lord and to reject the Lord is to reject the gift He made of His Son’s sacrifice on the cross for our sins. Mankind cannot be saved only by doing good for others. Salvation comes from God’s grace by offering Jesus Christ as the only path to eternal life with Him (Eph. 2:8-9). We must each come to that “essential” belief through faith, and not facts. It must be a faith and a hope residing in our heart, and not just in our head. 

Second, not only is salvation a heart change, but, from the verses in the gospels directly above, it is also a recognition that we are to accept Jesus as more than a Savior, but also as our Lord. That means learning to love Him and to do what He tells us to do. Christians are to be servants of Christ (Rom. 1:1, Jude 1:1, 1 Peter 2:16).

In 1989, I had already spent over a year listening to the Bible and other material on tape while driving, talking to a prominent pastor, and having my Christian accountant as a resource for all manner of questions. Around February of that year, I came to the conclusion that Jesus really did rise from the grave… as the most logical answer to what happened after His crucifixion. That conclusion opened the door to considering that the rest of the New Testament might also be true, including Heaven and Hell and what it took to be saved. Point being, I landed in a place where my mind accepted the gospel message. However, I got “saved” on April 15^th 1989, when I went to a park, sat on a big rock, lowered my head, and asked God to forgive me of my sins through a newfound acceptance of Jesus Christ as my personal Savior AND Lord, recognizing that He rose from the grave, and promising that I would profess my beliefs openly (Rom. 10:9). For over two months, from February to mid-April, I intellectually accepted the work of Christ on my behalf. However, in my opinion, had I died during that time, I would not have entered Heaven. 

Salvation is a heart change, not merely a head change. My basis for that comes from two primary verses. The first is James 2:17 which speaks to the need for evidence that there has been a true change in one’s behavior as a result of their salvation. That change is called sanctification, where salvation is an event in the life of a Christian, and sanctification is a process that lasts a lifetime and is evidenced by actions, or a “changed life” (2 Cor. 5:17).  I don’t believe that head knowledge changes behavior over the long term. Behavior changes when the heart changes. Second, is James 2:19, which is a reminder that for man to believe in God without a heart change is no different than the demons who believe, “and shudder,” at what lies ahead for them in eternity. 

“Essential” Biblical Christian doctrine is the singular pathway to receive the Holy Spirit on earth (John 14:26) and to enter Heaven at the end of your physical life (James 4:14). 

Core – is doctrine that a Biblical Christian believes in because it is so clear from a submissive study of the Bible as to be indisputable. I add the word “Biblical” because, sadly, you will find as you grow up that there are many who call themselves Christians who do not accept the Bible as their source of spiritual understanding. One of the most striking things I learned as a new believer (in my 30s) was that there were pastors who were not saved and were not teaching God’s truth to their congregations. The test of a good church and a mature Christian who is no longer drinking milk, but eating solid food (1 Cor. 3:2, 1 Peter 2:2), is an accepted and acknowledged belief in core Biblical Christian theology (see the addendum below). Your dad can walk you through each of these eight points, and answer any questions (the first point is “essential” … salvation). 

Non-Core – is doctrine that is presented in the Bible that, in my view, is open for debate or areas that need to be nuanced based on the fact that we live in a fallen world. For example, some believe the Bible calls for sprinkled infant baptism while others think one needs to be fully immersed after becoming a new believer. Or, some think God predestined those who would be saved before they were even born, while others think man can make a free-will decision to follow Christ. These are areas open for lively debate that do not impact either “essential” or “core” Biblical doctrine. Then there are areas where each Christian draws their own conclusions of God’s commands. Examples include: the reason God did not prevent original sin, evolution vs. creationism, abortion, and the sanctity of marriage, etc. We all have opinions on these subjects and they can become divisive, thereby harming our testimony and being used as evidence by agnostics and atheists as a reason to reject our beliefs. What is important is that as you grow up, you recognize what is essential, what is core, and what is non-core. As you talk to others about your faith, remember the words of Jesus in John 4:7-26. He was focused on the deeper truths and, as the woman at the well tried to distract Christ from His gospel message, Jesus responded based on the essentials and core, not the non-essentials. 

I know this is a lot to take in, Jakin. But your dad is looking for this birthday to be a milestone in a roadmap of growth from childhood into manhood. That process is not a stop in the road, but a journey, full of joy and heartache, success and failure. What you need to always remember is that no matter what happens in your life, God will always be there to lead you and guide you, to comfort you, and discipline you as one of His precious children (Psa. 23:4). 

Love Papi. 

– Core Statement of Faith –

The Bible is the primary source in understanding God. However, with 750k words, we acknowledge that no individual, church or denomination holds a perfect understanding of all Scripture. However, there exists a set of unchanging core Biblical principles, outlined below. They are fundamental to a growing, personal relationship with our Lord and Savior. To that point, the first, Salvation, is considered more than core, but essential.

Salvation — everyone sins and no one can save themselves. It is only through accepting Jesus Christ as personal Lord and Savior that one can receive eternal life in Heaven. Salvation is available to anyone who acknowledges in their heart that Jesus Christ died on the cross for their sins, rose bodily from the grave, and asks Him to forgive them of their sins and save their soul. The difference between a saved and an unsaved person is a God-produced difference.

Trinity — represents one living and true God, eternally existent in three persons: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

God — created everything, is perfect, and continues to rule. Further, He is omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent.

Jesus Christ — is the eternally preexistent Son, is fully God and was fully man, born of a virgin, and lived a sinless life.

Holy Spirit — lives in every Christian to guide, instruct, and empower the believer.

Resurrection — everyone will be resurrected from the grave: the saved to eternal life in Heaven, and the lost to eternal damnation in a real and literal Hell.

Bible — as originally written, is the inspired, infallible, authoritative, and inerrant Word of God and the supreme authority in all matters of faith and conduct. Further, God has protected His Word down through the ages such that we hold today a trustworthy document that expresses the other core principles listed here. 

Evangelism — it is a responsibility, duty, and joy to spread the gospel of Jesus Christ to all who will listen.