I’ve always been acutely aware of the fragility and helplessness of the human condition. In a world rife with dangers — accidents, illness, hatred, discrimination, death — it often feels as though humanity is powerless to fully anticipate or protect itself from these forces. No matter how vigilant I might be, I could never fully shield myself from the consequences of another’s actions. A drunk driver, for instance, could turn my life upside down in an instant. It seemed to me that all people — rich or poor, man or woman — are, to a terrifying extent, at the mercy of chance and fate from the moment they are born.

I was just lucky to be born to a sober mother who survived childbirth and had enough to feed me. I didn’t earn that privilege or have any say in it. It was simply the way things happened. I had no control over whether I would be born 1,000 years ago to a pagan priestess who might have sacrificed me to an idol in a fiery ritual. I didn’t choose my race, my family, or my place of birth.

Given all the things I could not protect myself from, the thought of bringing a child into the world seemed unthinkable. If my child faced a serious health issue, I would be powerless to save them. If they were rejected by a friend, I could not shield them from the heartache. If they were born blind or faced any other hardship, my hands would be tied. I could not prevent them from experiencing the pain of loss, nor could I protect them from the unforeseen accidents that could alter their life. There was no way to make their choices for them, or to guard them against the inevitable suffering life would throw their way.

In having a child, I would have only succeeded in adding to the number of people enduring all manner of meaningless physical and emotional pain in this world, while increasing my own worries and anxieties. I couldn’t see the purpose of my existence and hated having to study so long, and then work so hard, just to eat and stay alive, all the while not seeing why I needed to remain alive. I was practically forced to stay alive by the fear of death and the unknown that would probably follow. How could I be so cruel as to bring another person into this meaningless existence?

Then one day, I had an encounter with Jesus. It was then that I learned that I didn’t just exist. I was brought into existence by a sovereign God. But the question remained why? There may be many answers to that question in the Bible, but I will share the one that gave me a reason to exist. Here it goes-

Deuteronomy 10: 12 And now, Israel, what does the LORD your God require of you but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in obedience to him, to love him, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul,

Matthew 22:37 also goes on to say, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind”

As it turned out, I was made to love and be loved by God. This made sense to me. In my way smaller scope, some people existed in my life simply to love and be loved by. What took a while to understand is why God, in His love,allowed so much pain into my life. Slowly I understood that what love wants to do most is to love even more, to expand its territory, and to do so, it must purify the beloved, for love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. I found many of the painful experiences God allowed me to go through opened my eyes and left me changed for the better. I discovered that while following Jesus, no experience is meaningless and no pain is wasted. All experiences are orchestrated as part of a process to bring me, and every person who will believe in Him, closer and closer to God until we fully know Him on that day. 

This is how I found the courage to have a child. Because of the hope that came in the form of a Child who would grow and die to reconcile us back to God. A savior who would take my child’s life and make every moment in his or her life matter for all eternity. My child would live to love and be loved by God, to worship Him for all his days. That is my prayer and my commitment to the Lord to…

Proverbs 22:6 — Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.