Last weekend, I got together with my two older sisters. We haven’t been in the same room at the same time in quite a while. And I knew the conversation would eventually turn toward our dysfunctional childhood. It did. That’s when I heard the four words of death.

The birth of those words was not a recent occurrence. I’m 65. And my oldest sister is 70. It’s been decades since abuse and chaos was a part of our lives. Our parents have been dead for over 35 years. And a lot of water has rushed under the bridge since then.

Does time REALLY heal all wounds? Maybe.

The discussion migrated from our mother to our stepfather, who raised us. I don’t want to trash-talk the dead. But my middle sister said she feels ambivalent about him. Zero. Dead. No emotion.

Me? I feel sad. Because he was a weak, narcissistic man.

But my oldest sister flew into a rage and said, “I will never forgive him. Never!” She still carries massive amounts of negative energy about him and our childhood. And it shows.

Unforgiveness and bitterness are killers, both physically and spiritually.

You have often heard it said that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. Is our stepfather aware of her rage so many years later? Nope. Will they ever be able to discuss our childhood and come to some sort of understanding? Nope. Can he make amends? Nope. But can she finally find peace? YES.

The ball is in her court to forgive. And she still chooses to carry that poison coursing through her emotional veins.

What Forgiveness Does to Your Health:

Here’s what Johns Hopkins Hospital has to say about the health effects of unforgiveness:

“Whether it’s a simple spat with your spouse or long-held resentment toward a family member or friend, unresolved conflict can go deeper than you may realize — it may be affecting your physical health. The good news: Studies have found that the act of forgiveness can reap huge rewards for your health, lowering the risk of heart attack; improving cholesterol levels and sleep; and reducing pain, blood pressure, and levels of anxiety, depression and stress. And research points to an increase in the forgiveness-health connection as you age.”

You would be stunned at the amount of scientific research into the relationship between bitterness, unforgiveness, and physical health. There are significant benefits to getting rid of unforgiveness. But it won’t kill you physically. It will kill you spiritually.

You can’t be a Christian and harbor unforgiveness. Period!

Spiritually, it’s a matter of life and death. Here’s what Jesus had to say about it:

“When you stand to pray, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him. Then your Father in heaven will forgive your sins also. If you do not forgive them their sins, your Father in heaven will not forgive your sins.” Mark 11: 25–26

We don’t have to forget. But we MUST FORGIVE every time, all the time, 70 X 7 times. There is a ton of scripture to back up that commandment. Comment, and I’ll go down that road with you.

If you are worshiping the “bro hug group huddle love ’em all Jesus” who comes back and accepts everyone just as they are, regardless, this scripture might seem confusing. Because there are conditions to our salvation. See my article on choosing the right Jesus.