My life, like that of so many others, has been full of twists and turns. I’ve been up — very up, actually. Material success, in a career, with the luxury of living a particular way. The so-called easy way.

I’ve also been down. Really down. I’ve lost it all.

Twice.

Success in Life

Upon reflection of the memories I cherished, one thing instantly became clear: The so-called “good times” had almost nothing to do with being up or down. My best memories had to do with family, friends, community — all those relationships.

For some, that seems very simple and obvious, but for a lot of us, it’s not the least bit obvious. In my youth, I chose a pretty standard path — go to school, study, then put that to good use and pursue a career. Marriage was a possibility, but never a primary goal. The goal was professional success, to “make it”, maybe make a difference along the way.

Most people will agree, losing sucks. And in business, winning can be rewarding. But it pales in comparison to the relationships we make along the way, the people, those that we meet and enjoy, the unexpected friendships we build with colleagues, sometimes people on the other side of the world. That’s where the magic is.

By the time I’d “made it”, I’d already lost it all once but managed to turn that loss into a win by doing the right things — work hard, focus, never give up, all that stuff. And fortunately, I wasn’t lonely with success, but I was terribly dissatisfied. I didn’t care much for the lack of values in those I’d worked with, and despite reaching the benefit of “coasting” (not really my thing though), I gave it all up to start over. This wasn’t the second “loss”, it was literally a change of industries, a start from scratch a second time.

The goal — to succeed with better people. And many years later when I finally did lose it all (again), though I felt like I’d made some improvements, something was still missing.

Turns out, I’d walked right past the Narrow Gate, and didn’t even know it.

Faded Christian Foundation

You see, I was raised Christian, with Christian values. Lying, for example, was mistake #1 — absolutely intolerable. White lies were worse — they exemplified a growing ease and comfort with deceit. Big lies were never OK, of course, but looking back as a father, I recognize the difference between a path of deceit and momentary fear of a specific major problem.

You know, you’re 16 and crack a taillight backing into a pole, then spend the next week trying to hide it while you scrape together a few bucks to fix it, all the while hoping it won’t be noticed…

Bad idea in my house. My father was an Army Officer. Not his first rodeo. And it was way easier to take the medicine outright than to get caught trying to cheek it.

For that I’m grateful. Those values helped in business and relationships, and even I wasn’t dumb enough to expect the same from others.

Either way, I’d slowly meandered away from my faith — all the way into Eastern philosophical, “religion”.

Nope, something still missing: God.

Back to Christian Roots

I eventually returned to my Christian roots, only to realize that I really didn’t know much about my own faith. I’d read …well most of the Bible. The important parts anyway…

Mostly…

OK sort of…

Oh, come on! Church and Bible Study covers the important stuff, right?

Wrong. Sure, I could tell you if I was Calvinist or Arminian, but couldn’t tell you why, outside of the fact that it aligned with my community.

First step, read the Bible. And that I did. And then I studied it. And then I ventured into theology and philosophy. I’m a geek — most people don’t go that far, and it’s different for everyone. But I was determined to put into my Biblical endeavors the same dedication I’d put into my career.

Learning to Fly

And only then did I start to feel like I could see, for the first time. God really was that missing piece. And the Bible has been showing me all the ways ever since.

I had, in fact, walked right past the Narrow Gate. From Matthew 7:14 (ESV):

14 For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.

In my reading, I gained new insight on the rights and wrongs of my past and my future decisions, which helped improve effectiveness in all matters.

Guess what? It’s right there in 2 Timothy 3:16–17 (ESV):

16 All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, 17 that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.

With time, I started to trust it more. And now, I’m learning how to be a better father, spouse, friend, and neighbor. From Hebrews 4:12 (ESV):

12 For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.

This has had a profound impact on my outlook. And though I’m still recovering from my second disaster (it takes longer as you get older, trust me on this one), there is plenty of encouragement for staying the course. It’s even right there in Romans 15:4 (ESV):

4 For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.

Surely this is all a huge blessing, and that I’ve been here long enough to have the luxury of this reflection is more than a casual matter (talk about divine Providence).

Today, my life (not my bank account) is inordinately richer for the one simple reality that trumps all: It’s not about me, it’s about the Glory of God.

My only regret is that I didn’t see this sooner.