I feel so empty.

People often say I look fulfilled, that I am living the dream. A beautiful girl, studying a professional course with long-term rewards, coming from a well-to-do family. But deep down, I know I am anything but satisfied. There is a hollow space in me l have tried to ignore, hoping it would fill itself. But it never does.

To the outside world, I look like I have it all. They see the surface, not the void. They see the iPhones, the nights out, the sleek cars pulling up at clubs, the boyfriend with wealth and influence – the kind modern girls would dream about. I tried following the crowd, thinking maybe the lifestyle would complete me. But none of it helps.

Eventually, as expected, I grew closer to my boyfriend. The intimacy, the sexual intercourse, it’s supposed to bring happiness, right? But instead, it just left me feeling more drained. Fornication has become so normalized that no one seems to realize how destructive it can be. And still, I kept searching. I thought maybe the latest clothes, the best hair, the high life would make it all feel worthwhile.

It didn’t. I remember standing in the middle of a packed club one night, surrounded by people, music booming, and realizing I felt completely alone. I have the world’s definition of success at my fingertips. I can buy anything I want. But the emptiness only grows. It’s as if the more I chase these things to fill the void, the bigger that void becomes.

In those moments of stillness, when the music fades and I am left with myself, I can feel the darkness closing in. I began to slip into other things -pornography, masturbation – thinking maybe this would distract me, maybe this would bring some kind of satisfaction. But it only became a habit that drained me further. And then, a friend pushed me into exploring even more, trying things I never imagined, like being with my girlfriend.

My life began to feel like it was unraveling. Each step led me further from who l thought I was. I lost track of what mattered. I was just floating, aimless, living day to day without a purpose or direction.

Then there’s my younger sister. She’s always telling me about Jesus, about how He loves me and is waiting to heal me. She says it with such peace, such conviction. I envy her joy sometimes. She doesn’t need anything external to feel complete, she just has this light that radiates from her.

I have asked her before how she does it, and she said, “The kingdom of God is of righteousness, peace, and joy.” She doesn’t depend on people or things. God is enough for her. And here I am, the exact opposite.

l asked her once if God would ever accept me, knowing all I have done, knowing the mess l have made of my life. She just smiled and said that God is always waiting, no matter what. That there’s nothing I have done that can push Him away. I want to believe her, to think that maybe there’s still a chance for me. But part of me hesitates. Part of me wonders if I can truly let go of everything l have known.

To me, Christianity has always seemed boring, like l would have to change everything, from how I dress to who I spend my time with. There is a voice in my head that says, “Just enjoy your youth; you can settle down with all that religion stuff later.” But who’s to say l will even have a “later”? People die young, too. I have seen it happen. What if I wait too long and miss my chance?

I can’t keep running from this truth forever. My current life is catching up to me, whispering that this path will only leave me more empty and broken. I know where this life leads. I have seen it in others, and I am starting to feel it in myself. My sister lives with the joy and light that I crave, yet I keep choosing this empty chase instead.

I have come to the end of myself. I am tired of leading my own life, of filling my days with things that don’t last, that don’t satisfy. I lay it all down now. God, take this broken life of mine. Turn these ashes into something beautiful. You have done it for others; do it for me, too.

I am ready to let You lead, Lord. I give You my life. I have heard You can make beauty from brokenness – please, make that true for me. I don’t want to chase after empty pleasures anymore. I don’t want to depend on people who don’t care, on things that don’t last. You are what truly matters. The world has deceived me, but You are the truth.

Please take over from here. I have tried everything else, but now I want what only You can give. Fill me with Your love, Lord. Let me drink from Your river that never runs dry, the one that satisfies so deeply I will never thirst again.

Take over, God, my Creator. I worshipped what You made but ignored the One who made it. Forgive me, Lord. Heal me. You say old things pass away and new things come. I am ready for that new beginning, that new chapter, with You.

(Cries)

If you can relate to the story of the protagonist, know that Jesus is waiting for you. It’s never too late.

No matter how unworthy you feel or how far you have gone, He is waiting with open arms. Everyone needs Jesus, whether they realize it or not. You don’t have to carry the emptiness or burden alone. Come to Him, and He will give you a peace beyond anything this world can offer. Jesus loves you.