We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” 
— 2 Corinthians 4:8–9, NIV

Breaking Down the Chain

Trauma bonding traps individuals in cycles of pain and dependency. A Biblical Christian worldview reveals God’s design for love and freedom, empowering us to break free through His truth and the support of safe, Christ-centered relationships. As a trauma recovery specialist, I’ve sat across from countless folks whose hearts are tangled in these invisible chains. Let’s be real — it’s a term tossed around a lot, but when you’re living it or helping someone through it, it’s no buzzword. It’s a gut-wrenching pull that tethers you to someone who’s hurt you, the pain and love so twisted you can’t tell them apart. I’ve seen it in their eyes — confusion, shame, longing — and felt its weight in my own chest, trying to help them unravel it. If you’re here, I’m guessing you know that too, whether it’s yours or someone you’re holding space for.

Trauma bonding happens when an abusive, unhealthy relationship creates intense highs and lows that bind you to the other person — like an addiction. The abuser hurts you, then offers affection or promises, and soon, you’re clinging to those crumbs like a lifeline. Your brain starts linking them to survival, even safety, despite the harm. It’s not just emotional — it’s chemical: cortisol spikes with stress, dopamine floods in with “love.” Your body gets hooked, even as your soul cries out. Diane Langberg, a Christian psychologist who’s shaped my work, writes, “Trauma bonding is a loyalty to a destructive relationship forged out of the furnace of fear, dependency, and intermittent kindness” (Langberg, 2015). I’ve nodded to that countless times, thinking of clients who stayed — not from weakness, but because the bond felt like all they had left. Langberg adds, “The one who has been traumatized often clings to the abuser because the abuser has convinced them that they are the source of life, when in reality they are the source of death” (Langberg, 2020). That hits hard — I’ve seen the wrestle up close.

Spiritually, trauma bonding distorts God’s love. Scripture says, “Love is patient, love is kind… it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (1 Corinthians 13:4–7, NIV). But trauma bonding flips that — it convinces you love should hurt, should shrink you. I’ve sat with clients who’ve whispered, “If this isn’t love, what is?” I point them to this passage: God’s love builds, heals, frees — not crushes.

A Path to Freedom

Let me get real with you. Early in my career, I met Sarah — not her real name — a young woman caught in a trauma bond. Her boyfriend screamed, belittled, shoved her, then cried he couldn’t live without her. She’d glow talking about those tears, as if they proved love. My throat tightened watching her spirit fade, but I couldn’t just say “leave” — she wasn’t ready. We started small: what safety feels like in the body, not just the mind. We prayed, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18, NIV). She clung to that like a lifeline. Over months, I saw her believe she deserved more than crumbs — slowly loosening that bond, one step at a time.

If you’re stuck in a trauma bond or helping someone who is, I want you to hear me: healing is possible. It’s messy and hard, like clawing out of quicksand, but you don’t have to face it alone. Find someone safe, whether a mental health coach with trauma expertise, a trusted friend, or your church family, and let them hold space for you, reminding you of your worth when it’s hard to see. Hold fast to this promise: “If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed” (John 8:36, NIV). Trauma bonds may feel like chains, but they don’t have the final word — God does, and He’s in the business of setting captives free. That’s a truth I’ve watched unfold in countless lives, and I believe it for you, too.

References
Langberg, D. (2020). Redeeming Power: Understanding Authority and Abuse in the Church. Grand Rapids, MI: Brazos Press.

Langberg, D. (2015). Suffering and the Heart of God: How Trauma Destroys and Christ Restores. Greensboro, NC: New Growth Press.

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). (2014). SAMHSA’s Concept of Trauma and Guidance for a Trauma-Informed Approach. HHS Publication No. (SMA) 14–4884. Rockville, MD: SAMHSA.