The God of the Bible is full of tenderness and mercy. He is also perfectly holy and righteous.

That seemingly incongruous combination is why C.S Lewis has Mrs. Beaver explain the Christ-figure Aslan this way in The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe:

…if there’s anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking, they’re either braver than most or else just silly. [C.S. Lewis, Narnia]

Jesus is not to be trifled with.

And yet, He’s not menacing, and certainly not treacherous. As Mr. Beaver goes on to emphasize:

But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you! [C.S. Lewis, Narnia]

One of the themes in my journey of following Jesus has been coming to see and believe that this is true.

Jesus is far from safe. But He’s only dangerous to the sin and fear and doubt inside of me. Learning to give that over to Him allows me to see His perfect love and goodness.

This is rarely easy for me. Instead, it is scary and can feel something like dying to move out beyond myself and trust Him.

Yet each time I do, I see that He is good. That He desires a relationship and that He is trustworthy.

He helps me to see that some of the Bible stories that had long disturbed me are actually stories of hope.

For example, the gut-wrenching tale of God testing Abraham with Isaac takes on a whole new meaning when you see how God was establishing Himself in stark opposition to the practice of child sacrifice – a practice that was sadly not uncommon in those days.

Seeing some of those deeper truths helps me to fear God without being afraid of God.

I think it’s also true that it’s easier for some of us to see the goodness of God than it is for others. It’s easiest for those who had perfect parents growing up, since research shows that our view of God is connected to how we view our parents.

None of us had a truly perfect parental relationship, of course. But some of us were more or less fortunate than others. Life is far from fair.

This is why I say that Christians should be kind to atheists. Of course, we should be gracious to all people, knowing that we are no better than others, regardless of belief. We believe that we are not saved by our own merit of efforts and know that we have no cause for boasting.

But we should be especially kind to atheists. Because it’s possible, perhaps even probable, that many atheists who laugh at our faith have dealt with far more trauma and suffering than we have.

One Story

This truth came home to me when I was trying to share some of the Christian hope with a non-believer. I commented on one of her articles and shared a brief version of the Abraham and Isaac story I’ve alluded to.

I thought it was gentle. Approachable. Perhaps even encouraging.

I was incorrect. I saved a copy of the response as a future reminder about how the individual life experience that someone has had, especially with parents, can have such an influence on one’s view of God.

Here it is, with some sections omitted:

Response from an Atheist

It deeply, deeply disturbs me that you’ve come to accept the story of Abraham being ordered to murder Isaac. That means Christianity has taught you to lose some of your compassion and humanity and that’s the kind of reason why I write the things I do.
Unlike you, my mother once tried to murder me. She was very physically abusive and became enraged by me because I told her I was depressed and suicidal. She viewed it as me being ungrateful.
My description won’t do what happened justice. But basically, she drove super fast and violently on the wrong side of the road on a super windy road where you can’t see around the corner. And said she was going to kill both of us because of what I’d said, while I screamed at the top of my lungs for her to stop and screamed for help from the cars that we passed on the right side of the road.
Somehow we didn’t get in a car crash and she eventually gave up what she was doing, so I wasn’t technically physically harmed. But I was severely, psychologically harmed and it’s why I view the Abraham and Isaac story as absolutely disgusting.
…
You don’t realize what happened. The Bible sugar-coated it. I know what it would be like from Isaac’s experience because I was beaten all the time growing up.

…

I’ve looked into my mother’s soulless, dark eyes many times as she beat me or tried to kill me. Her eyes are brown but they were like dark voids when I looked at them, and makes me want to vomit now, thinking about them.
In that moment, Isaac broke and became traumatized because he almost died and learned his father was capable of murdering him.
It doesn’t matter that God stopped him. It wasn’t quick enough to save Isaac’s psyche. You don’t walk away from an experience where your parent was ready to murder you okay.…
And you think that’s a good thing?
You seem like a nice person, capable of empathy, but the Bible is twisting you into something bad.
I used to be a Christian, so I don’t need to picture what it would feel like to worship Jesus or God or believe all of that is real because I used to embrace it.
…

Did I disagree with all of her conclusions about God? Yes.

Did I come to a new understanding about why she might reject Christianity? Also yes.

I can’t imagine the deep fear of a young girl growing up with a self-described Christian mother who not only beat her and rejected her feelings, but pretended to try to kill her as some kind of punishment? A mother who sounds like she truly may have been possessed by a demon, while representing her vile behavior as “Christian.”

What’s to be done?

For one thing, it seems clear to me that sermonizing about Heaven and Hell will not be effective in a situation like this.

A person in this spot has already heard all the sermons. And what has been impressed more deeply in the psyche is the experience of trauma at the hands of one of the people preaching those same words. The lack of trust is a more pressing reality than the lack of truth.

For another, Christians should not fight back when attacked. What rebuttal exists that would help? We should pray, knowing that we serve a God who can do all things. We should stand for the truth without acting out of defensiveness or a desire to win an argument. And we should be willing to be kind, regardless of whether we get any kindness back.

Jesus made this clear:

27 “But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. [Luke 6: 27–28]

So did Paul:

14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. [Romans 12:14]

As did Peter:

9 Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. [1 Peter 3:9]

Be Grateful in Suffering

Does that cost us something? Certainly.

But Peter goes on to say that we should be grateful if we have the opportunity to suffer for doing good.

13 Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? 14 But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. “Do not fear their threats; do not be frightened.” 15 But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, [1 Peter 3: 13–15]

We know God will work all of it for our good.

When we are kind and patient with those who revile us, we have a small chance to model how different the Christian life can be. Perhaps we can show a different way that challenges long-held suspicions a non-believer may have of Christians.

And in the smallest of ways, we have an opportunity to follow Jesus. The same Jesus who, as He was being crucified, prayed for mercy for those who hated Him.