Bitterness is “anger, resentment and disappointment at being treated unfairly”. (New Oxford American Dictionary).

It is a state of mind that is often hidden but very real. Multiple things can cause bitterness but the end result is buildup of resentment. Bitterness can be more than anger it can be a real pain. Bitterness is housed in the soul, but it will poison the spirit and harm the body.

Ahithophel was a close friend to King David and held the official position of “The king’s counselor” (1Chronicles 27:33). It is safe to assume there were strong personal bonds between Ahithophel and David.

Eliam, the son of Ahithophel, was one of the mighty men who served King David. Uriah, another of the mighty men of David (2Samuel 23:34–39) was married to Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam. One day David saw the granddaughter of Ahithophel, and had illicit sexual relations with her.

Did David know who Bathsheba was when he slept with her?

Most certainly!

David would have known of the marriage of Bathsheba and Uriah, a distinguished soldier. Bathsheba was the daughter of an acclaimed warrior. She was also the granddaughter of the king’s counselor.

David certainly knew Bathsheba.

It was bad enough that David committed adultery with Bathsheba. Conspiring to murder her husband to conceal the resulting pregnancy and to take Bathsheba as his own wife was an ordeal that was too much for Ahithophel. Ahithophel began to nurse bitterness against his close friend, King David.

Bitterness breeds the urge for revenge!

Slowly but surely, bitterness took root in Ahithophel’s heart. Subsequently, the urge for revenge became overbearing and motivated him to join Absalom’s revolt against David (2Samuel 15:12).

Absalom was another person filled with bitterness. This happened after his sister was raped (2Samuel 13:1–22). He was obviously bitter toward Amnon, the rapist. But Absalom was also bitter against his father, because King David did not publicly punish Amnon for raping his half-sister. The bitterness in Absalom’s heart bred the urge for revenge and eventually led to the murder of Amnon. Absalom became a murderer because of bitterness.

However, the key lesson to remember when there is a desire for revenge: Two wrongs do not make a right.

God does not support an individual’s right for revenge (Romans 12:18–19). The world will never know peace if everyone exercises the option to exact revenge.

Are you bitter against someone?

Are there seeds of revenge in your heart?

Bitterness breeds betrayal!

Disloyalty is betrayal; bitterness facilitates betrayal.

Bitterness makes a person desire to hurt others by being disloyal to them.

Esau was bitter against Isaac, his father, when he lost Isaac’s blessings to his brother’s deceitfulness. Esau’s bitterness propelled him to do exactly what Isaac detested, and married wives from families that his father did not approve (Genesis 28:8–9).

Unfortunately, bitterness is infectious. The bitter person actively spreads the seeds of disloyalty.

The bitterness of Absalom was partly responsible for his decision to overthrow David.

The bitterness of Ahithophel made him disloyal to David by joining the revolt. Absalom’s bitterness poisoned many people, making them disloyal by joining the revolt against the King.

Bitterness produces wicked advice!

Bitterness poisons the adviser and makes their advice dangerous.

Shortly after Absalom chased David out of Jerusalem, Ahithophel advised Absalom to have sex with each of the concubines his father left behind, on the palace rooftop (2Samuel 16:20–22).

Though, Ahithophel gave what appeared to be intelligent logic to back up his advice. It was to extract maximum revenge for David’s adultery with his granddaughter. Absalom took the evil advice and slept with his father’s concubines in broad daylight. I think many people in that crowd shook their heads at such wickedness. The advice Ahithophel gave was a clear contradiction of the law of God (Leviticus 18:8).

Who is giving you advice?

Check if the person is harboring bitterness. If so, you may receive destructive advice and sin against God.

Bitterness draws the anger and punishment of God.

If bitterness is left unchecked, otherwise good people will face the wrath of God. Both Absalom and Ahithophel died in a dishonorable manner.

When the punishment for bitterness manifests, innocent bystanders may also suffer.

Many innocent people died because Koran, Dothan and Abiram were bitter against Moses. These three men spread the poison of their bitterness to 250 other leaders in the nation. When the punishment came, the ringleaders, the other leaders who joined them, and seemingly innocent people such as their wives, children, servants, and everyone associated with them were buried alive! (Numbers 16:23–33)

How to identify bitterness.

First, examine yourself critically.

Next pay close attention to people you cherish (Philippians 2:4).

When people notice that you care, they will tell you when they are bitter and you can help them.

Ask God for a discerning heart. That will help you identify bitterness easily, either in yourself or in others.

Curing bitterness.

Step 1: You MUST forgive!

There is no shortcut to bypass this stage.

Curing bitterness requires addressing its root — this is usually an offense. Bitterness thrives on offenses, and forgiveness can heal it.

One of the most difficult things to do is to forget the hurts we have experienced. Forgiveness also requires making efforts to forget the offense. Stop referring to the offenses in your thoughts and conversations.

When you do remember, as you will from time to time, downplay the hurt by reminding yourself that you have chosen to forgive. This approach will enable the hurt and the memory of the offense to fade away. Ultimately, be aware that forgiveness is not the same as forgetting. 

Step 2: Rebuild the bridge

Offenses causes the breakdown of the bridge connecting us with others. Curing bitterness requires that we rebuild the bridge.

This step may be harder than the previous one. One could unilaterally decide to forgive, but reaching out to the other party could be tougher to do. 

If this step is very hard for you, ask God through prayer for help. Rebuilding bridges of communication and relationship is essential in curing bitterness.

Step 3: Love the other party.

Loving others is the antidote to bitterness.

Love them by having a deep affection for them. Wish them well, work towards their happiness (1Corinthians 13:4–7).

This is what service to God is all about!